Pushing through the Ice

The last couple weeks have been intense with Physical Therapy but I am close to being done.  I have come A LONG ways in the last six weeks.  Today I was joking with my therapist and said "when I came in these doors I could not do that."  She replied "I know and we are having you get ready for the circus."  I said "yup."  The different amount of activities for therapy, yes I feel like I will be in the circus or a tap dancer :).  After therapy I will transition to a gym and they are setting me up with a program for me on my own. I never thought of myself joining a gym, but determined to keep going.  I have started to take short periods of running and it feels so good to do. I am more eager to get back to my bike.
This has been a long journey and yet one to be continued as I continue to work with relearning to hear and regaining myself back up with balance and my life.  I will continue to learn what works for me in communication but I know I made the best decision in helping myself and achieve my goals.  No it has not been easy and know that there will be more challenges, but like my title Pushing through the Ice. 
As Christmas is approaching I am joyful for the gift of hearing and my CI's. Thanks to my doctors, therapists and audiologist, along with the support from family and friends and strength from God, making a difference in my life in keeping me positive and determined to push through the ice.  One thing that I have learned through this and will continue to strengthen, is no matter what you may face in life, believing in yourself through all thing and being able to reach your goals.
To me I am able to once again enjoy Christmas music and many sounds that I have been missing for the last several years. 
Merry Christmas Everyone and thank-you for your ongoing support and prayers. 
The song "Breathe of Heaven" inspires me right now as Mary questioned why she was chosen to carry Jesus.  As we all question things in life like myself right now I am reminded that he has a purpose and plan greater than we see.

Hearing from both ears

This past weekend I spent with my sister and finally came home monday after meeting with my surgeon/doctor.  On Saturday morning I spent with my niece and nephew playing with them.  My niece discovered my processor and enjoyed pulling it off my ear, Austin watched what was going on and gave a curious look to me.  I asked him if he wanted to know what was on my ear and he said "yes."  I gave him a simple answer "it helps me to hear you."  He smiled back and than went on playing and we had a great time throwing balls as we were having a snowball fight.
My doctor was greatly pleased with my progress and glad to see me doing so well.  He wants me to continue what I am currently doing and is confident that things will continue this way.   I am to continue to follow up with Hopkins, he gave me another doctor to see as he is leaving JH at the end of the year.  We ended our meeting with getting a picture and a big hug.  He has made a huge impact in helping me so much.  As I am sad that he is leaving, I am grateful for the care and the difference he made in my life in regaining my ability to hear again.  I know that I will be in good hands with the doctor he recommended.  I know that God provided what I needed at the right time and the doctor I needed.
This week has been busy and trying to work with the left ear in hearing speech.  It has been more a challenge hearing speech in the left ear verses when I was activated on the right.  I was able to make out things sooner.  I know it will come.  I am enjoying having the two ears working and being able to tell direction.  I do notice when I remove one processor something is missing.  I love having both ears working and it is a miracle and gift to be regaining my hearing. Yes it is back working to train the hear to hear again and the crazy sounds continue, but I continue to praise the Lord that I can hear. I just keep on swimming forward.
I will leave you with a song that I sang in my care group last night "Never Once."

Day Two Activation:Brain Wired for sound

Today I went back for the second activation session. It has been an adventurous retraining this ear.  Still reading lips to communicate and not hearing speech yet, but it will come.  I am taking parts of the day with interacting with my sister and her family with the new CI only and other parts with both. Talk about Brain Confusion.  Together I understand speech.  But now when one is off it does not sound complete.  No mo single sided Deafness. Basically my audiologist upped the volume and made adjustments. They always start out slow and build up with volume, the reason for many appointments. We continue watching for twitching and so far going well.  The second CI seems to solve that issue. 
Today one of the goals was to figure and get working the one processor.  so far so good in working.  But if it starts doing it again it will be sent back for a replacement.
As I was waiting to go back, I ran into someone who I met at a HLAA group and it was so good to reconnect.  Now we have emails.  I told her I recently went bilateral and on day 2 activation.
One thing I have already started noting is I am able to recognize direction and location of sound easier.  :)   I have already picked up with left CI only my niece crying, roll cart on the floor, I think an airplane, dishes and many other sounds.  It is some hard to figure out what it is but this is a start.  I just keep swimming along.  Yes exhausting but all worth it. 
I did also make a phone call today to my Dad, yes mainly using the right ear but using my cell phone once again, loving it.  He asked about the grandkids too.  We had a great conversation.  
I am continue to feel over-joyed with the progress I am making and regaining my hearing, balance, and being with kids more and more.  When one loses your hearing it is shocking and devasting in adjusting to what works for you.  As I am still adjusting and figuring it out I am finding a lot of hope through the CI and other ways of communication.  I am finding my confidence growing back up and soaking in all what I am hearing.  It is truelly a priceless and precious gift. 
I just thank you for continued prayers on this journey.
"Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice"

Welcoming myself to the Bilateral Hearing World

I am offically bilaterally hearing. 
Back to the crazy sounds of underwater hearing on the left side, while the right continues to do well.  A little lopsided, but this will normalize and improve.  When they activated the right side, I did hear speech right away, the left side not the same, hearing sounds but speech is still to come.  With both on I can hear speech.  But I know it will improve and my brain will adjust to it like the other one did.  I went in with low expectations which helps not feeling disappointed.  I am not feeling discouraged but encouraged to be able to hear, and bilaterally.  I just think "Just keep swimming."
My audiologist also worked with my right processor making some adjustments and giving me t-coil on a setting to try with the phone.  She wants me to try and see if I like it. People either love it or hate it, so we will see. 
My appointment went long and they had some issues with the internet connection and software there so it made things more adventureous.  The one thing that my audiologist was wondering and hoping for is to get my twitching settled.  With having both sides activated it may help that and so far so good. 
As I was waiting, I talked with another patience (child) mom with an implant and she was so encouraging and grateful for the gift of a cochlear implant for a person to hear.  I also found out that her son was also blind.  I also talked with another couple who's wife was considering and being evaluated for the CI.  She was and her husband were encouraged seeing the progress of my implant and the little boy with it.  It is neat how God places you at the right times. Losing your hearing is very upsetting and just seeing others with CI and how they make a difference in their lives is always encouraging in the journey.
It was a joy listenign to Christmas music on the way in and back again :)  Something I am enjoying a lot more these days.
I am just grateful for my team at JH and PT for making a difference in my life. 
Two quotes God brings to mind "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain."
"God did not promise days without pain, laughter without tears, nor the sun without rain. But he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way."
Thanks for all your prayers and support. Praying for continued progress.

Soon to be Bilaterally activated.

I have to say, there is some connection with dates of appointments at John Hopkins and storms.  First my second cochlear implant surgery was right around Hurricane Sandy and now right before activation a snow comes through our way.  Great way to bring in the bilateral hearing.
I am contining to do well with recovery and my energy level is getting stronger each day.  I continue therapy 2x week and doing home exercises in regaining my balance back.  As some exercises are frustrating, my therapist loves my positive attitude and motivation through therapy.  We also like to joke together.  In some ways I want to do more challenging things but it is a gradual process so I don't have set backs. 
On wednesday I am traveling down to Maryland for my activation on Thursday on my left side.  Let see what I will hear first this time?  I am excited and so ready for this.  It is hard to believe that it is here already.  My hearing is all computerized now, but it is that or nothing.  I continue to be amazed how I am doing with one and just wondering how great hearing from two ears. No more single-sided deafness.  It has been exciting seeing God at work in all this and answering many prayers.  He continues to remind me to trust in him and seek his provision.  :)

Times to Be Thankful

This time last year, it was hard for my family and I to think things to be thankful for and mostly we were thankful for each other.
This year while holidays continue to be hard with not having my Mom, I am grateful for so much this year. Aside from my family and friends and their tremdenous support, I am overjoyed with thankfulness for the precious gift of hearing and some many other answers prayers.  As I continue to recover and regain my balance from surgery, the improvements that I am seeing is amazing.  I just continue to rejoice in the Lord for his faithfulness.
Have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving.  :)

Two week Post Op

It is hard to believe that 2 weeks ago I had my Bilateral cochlear implant.  I just want to say thank-you to all your prayers through this time and journey with me.  I am doing very well with recovery and regaining strength more and more each day.  Yes the first 10-12 days were the most challenging, but that is behind me.  I just ask that you continue to keep praying that thing continue in this direction.  I still have days of dizziness but much better and improving. (THis is a much answer to prayer).
Yesterday I started therapy for my balance.  Some people are affected with balance problems with this surgery.  Yes I am one of those lucky person :) Since I was exercising a lot and right up until my surgery my body strength has been much stronger this time around.  And my doctors decided to begin therapy 2 weeks after surgery.  While I stronger, therapy is still going to be intense.  But I am so motivated and determined and know the end results and I will be back to running and biking soon.  I am so LONGING for a bike ride and more road biking, but for now I am content with being allow to do much more things.  While there are some things that are not easy in therapy and yes it will be intense I am all for it.  I don't find exercising a chore but enjoy it.  I keep reminding myself of the Little Engine that Could (can).  THrough many challenges I have faced I always feel that God brings that character to me.  So chugging along.
I have spent time reading, writing and listening to a lot of music that is filling my spirit as I recover. One thing I have enjoyed is getting up each morning and having an email from my roomie in college await and writing back and forth each day.  The last week I have been enjoying going out to the park and walking with different friends.  Just being outside in nature is so healing to me, God just brings different things about life to me.
There as some days that I question things and my girlfriend told me about a song by Natalie Grant called "Held"  It reminds us that no matter what we may face in life, big or small that God is with me each step of the way.  I also found and explore other very touching songs by her as well.  God continues to remind me to be patient and showing me contentment through each moment.
As I know that this journey is not over and in someways just beginning, I am reminded in staying positive and perserving through each step of the way and God is helping to grow more and more with trusting in him.
 Praying for everyone that God may bless you in a special way today.

Bilateral Halloween surgery and Sandy

Last week was crazy with the events of last week.  Sandy and surgery was enough of the exciting adventures but many more came with it.  The best thing is that I remained at peace with the situation.
Sandy came and we lost power, many things were shut down around us and I was concerned that my surgery was going to be cancelled.  Being hearing impaired and trying to use a cell phone when there is static can be quite intesting making a call to the hospital, but made out and left things in Gods hands.
I went down to my sisters the night before with my Dad and my friend staying with my sister.  I was nice to have a warm house and power there.  We arrive at the surgery center the next morning around 7:45 (my surgery was set for 9:45) and they quickly prepped me for surgery. The start rough with the start of the IV line.  I did not get back to surgery until close to 11 due to the delay of the person before me.  This time they would not let me walk in as I was unsteady on my feet.  Despite the challenges we talked about the storm and it was nice communicating with the staff as last time had to have everything written out for me.  I was kept overnight again with getting the pain managed and letting my stomach settle.  The nursing staff was great with handling my deafness this time around.  I did not eat anything until about 12 the next day.
No the doctors were not dressed in orange or black scrubs and the nurses I think they have to wear blue scrubs.  There was a family though having surgery and that they dressed up.  My surgeron was no vampire, but very gentle and kind with surgery.
I am doing well and in good spirits.  I spent several nights with my Dad b/c I did not have power and glad to spend some time with him.  the recovery has been the same but the difference is I knew what to expect and prepared for it, so things have been more at ease.Still unsteady but better than last. starting therapy next week. anxious to get back to running. It was nice having the company of Simba too, he never left my side.  Simba is such a healing dog.
With all the adjustments and changes, I been having a sense of peace.  God is surrounding me and providing for me in many ways.  And giving me the strength I need each day.
One thing that through Sandy, you really don't realize having electricity for granted when you lose it for several days. 
Surgery done and moving forward to activation and soon back to work :)

Surgery and Sandy OH MINE!!!

Well it is about 2 1/2 days from my surgery and we have a nasty hurricane Sandy plowing through Monday and Tuesday, right before my bilateral surgery.  This should be one adventureous surgery and sure I will have many stories to share.  I am feeling less anxious and getting very excited to finally be getting the other ear done and even more looking forward to working once again.
I am just asking you to join in prayer with me for safe travels to Baltimore and home as we travel down on Tuesday night or early Wednesday morning. Also that the surgery not be cancelled.
We are expecting very heavy rains and power outages and very strong winds.  Question Is my recovery going to be like a hurricane or not?
I am praying that the surgery remains on as I have been waiting for this day.  But trusting in God through all things.  :)
Stay safe those who live on the East Coast :)

Bilateral coming soon

Alright down to the last week before surgery. I lot of mixed emotions, but very ready and excited for the surgery and things are coming together.
I am just finishing up some last minute things and enjoying this beautiful weather in getting outside. One thing that I recently did, soon after finding out that I was going bilateral, I thought "I don't need my hearing aids any longer why let a great pair lie around."  I have heard of many people donating hearing aids and decided to give them to a really good friend that would benefit from them.  I am glad to know that she is finding them very helpful and even more so looking forward to having her help me out with the surgery.  It was not hard letting go of them and feel even better giving them to someone who really could use them.
One prayer is for relief of the vertigo and for it to settle down.  I know it will get worse before better and will not see if it really helped for several weeks.  But this is one of the goals of my surgeon as to help me to regain my hearing back in the left ear. I am eager to get back to work and working with children again.
As some of the days I am anxious but more over ready, I am trusting in God through this journey and know that he is with me all the way and I have my angel with me too (my mom).  In the last week the verse Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."
As I went to running with a friend we spotted deer on the path, I was amazed that the deer just stood and watched us pass.  They gave me a sense of peace as they were relaxed right there and a reminder of not to worry.

Alright 13 days til being Bilateral Bionic Women (wired for sound)

The last several weeks sped by fast and now only 13 days left until I go Bilateral with the cochlear implant.  I often think back to when I was getting evaluated for the first one and did not think that I would have both ears done in the same year, but it is really happening.
All pre-op stuff is completed and now just waiting for the day to come. Between resting and getting ready, I have been helping a family out with two children who they also lost their mom suddenly the same year I did and helping my dad with yard work and cleaning the house for him when I am feeling good. 
At this point people are asking questions "Are you nervous?"  "Are you sure this is the right direction to go?"  As I look at these questions, I reflect back on the way people doubted when Jesus rose from the grave.  In response to these questions, No I am not nervous or anxious, I am excited more over and ready.  Ready to being hearing on both sides (come end of November) and ready for some relief from the menieres attacks. I know that my hearing will never be perfect but this is the best thing that I can do for myself to help me to be able to return to work and feel better.  So yes this is the right direction to go.  I spent a lot of time praying for this and direction of where God is leading me.  One thing I look forward to is not having to worry about which side someone is on to be able to hear.  I know my right ear my be dominant now and that there will still be obstacles.  I will always be deaf yet hearing too.
My family and I joke about putting all the annoying sleeping habits that people pose when we go away with me, b/c it does not bother me and I sleep right through it.  So bring on the coughers, baby crying and snorers. :) 
God is continuing to teach me contentment through this time and really learning to trust in him through all things. Just continuing to pray for continued guidance and wisdom with working with the doctors.
No I am not looking forward to recovery but know that there is light at the end and God will give me the strength that I need every step of the way and the courage to embrace through the challenges.
Thank-you for your continued support and prayers through this long journey :)

Looking Beyond

In the last several weeks I have been reflecting many things that God has been working on in my life and excited with many things that he is at work with.  I am completely amazed through different things that happen through the week, I look back and know that it was meant to be and that he is teaching though many experiences I encounter as he turns everything for the good.
As some of you may know that I was re-evaluated for the second CI  in August.  Yes I am going through with that and surgery is October 31.  As I knew and had an idea of where my hearing was in my left ear, I have to admit hearing the news as it was confirmed was a little shocking.  It revealed that I have no understanding of speech in that ear with my hearing aids and I been fully communicating with the CI in my right ear. 
Many people ask me "Do you ever question why?" or "Am I angry at God?" with everything going on.  I have to say yes there are days I question but more rather turn it to "What God is teaching me through this time."  No I am not angry at God.  He is teaching me to trust him through all things and really in my heart being content and being at peace with my deafness.  Yes I am hearing through my CI soon to be bilateral, but I still I am deaf and always will be. And it is okay.  He is teaching me to look beyond my hearing and more my abilities in life.  I am still Amber, just part of me I am deaf.
He is also teaching me the positives of being deaf and believe me there are more than you can think of. 
As I look back prior to having my implant these are some things that I am able to do that I was not able to before and each thing is a true blessing from God:
-beginning to use my cell phone in quiet situations
-less relying on the caption phone and challenging myself not to read captions
-hearing things behind me
-hearing the lyrics to music
-detecting the wonderful natural and some annoying enviromental sounds
-hearing people knocking on the door
-beginning to hear the message in church
-hearing crying and voices of children (this bring tears of joy to me) and what they are saying
-being able to follow some/most of my small group at church
-ability to communicate and less have to rely on lip reading
-hearing thunder and storm (gotta love this one)
-simply things like the microwave, phone ring, water boiling, water running, footsteps
and the list can go on
There are times I do forget and people don't know that I have a hearing issue.  I know I will run into barriers but I can function in the hearing world better and learning to work around my deafness.  the most precious gift is hearing my nephew talk and other children and the ability to communicate with others.  As my Dad stated to the doctors "I am hearing almost like normal" and that is true in certain environments.  But good to hear that.
As I have been away from church and with family more the last couple weeks our connection is growing in a lot of ways being there for one another.
My kayak experience really was a turning point for me with my deafness as I forgot my waterproof processor and was deaf the whole way tipping over and almost drowning. I felt God with me all the way.  My family knew and worked with me in joining me in conversation despite it with reading lips and hand signals.  It was a fun yet adventurous experience, but God helped me look at it for the good and not my hearing or the meniere in the way of doing things.  Looking beyond it
He is reminding me to trust in him through all things
The song that comes to mind is "The Word of God Speaks"

Rejoicing through the Obstacles

As I have been going through many mixed feelings these last several weeks, God is teaching me to really trust in him through the obstacles that I am facing and also seeing the light through it all.  Also just as I continue working in my garden, it a great therapy for me.  Bring on the digging in the dirt.  Totally love it.  Yes it may sound crazy but so true.
I often get a sense of what my mom would say through this time and just her spirit is in my heart even though she is not here presently with me.

"Even through the difficult days as things may look gloomy and bleak, there is a light shining ahead. As things may feel discouraging and scary at times, there is hope in the end and a positive outcome. No matter how gloomy things look, looking up on the positive side, I see hope and encouragement through it all.  And God is with me all the way.  Every step I take."

This is one thing that I took away from meeting with my doctors and audiologist this week. As I received results of my hearing.
After that appointment, as I was trying to sleep and take all of it in several songs came to mind and I sang myself to sleep.  "I need Jesus,"  "Give me Jesus,"  "Amazing Grace," Never Once," " My Life Flows On," and "Oh no you Never let Go."

Graditude and Wow moments

As many of you know that I have been doing a lot of gardening.  This has been extremely helpful for me and God has been teaching me through it.  It is my second year and this year much more successful.  The animals stayed away let's just say. As my garden is producing summer squash, red beets, cucumbers, green bean, peppers and tomatoes, each vegetable is giving me a reminder in life right now.  He is reminding me mainly that he loves me for who I am and that he created me special and unique as each of my vegetables have taken some unique shape or form. And his love for each of us.

                                              My TWO UNIQUELY YOU cucumbers
A wow Moment:
Several weeks ago I went for a walk with a friend at the park.  There was a biker behind us, I looked back and my friend pulled me aside for my safety.  She asked if I hear them because I looked back.  I did not hear them, but I have learned to look back making sure.  We went for a walk again on Tuesday and this time a biker called from behind "on your left"  I heard them and the exact words.  I looked at my friend and gave a smile and said "I heard that."  I am beginning to hear more thing behind me.  

Another Wow moments

What a warm week that it has been here in PA, with all the hot and humid weather.  Ahh you got love living in PA.  A great way to start off the beginning of summer. 
The last two weeks I have been spending time in my garden and my Dad's flower beds weeding.  I think I have become a weeding excerpt.  As I was weeding my Dad's flower beds, not aware that he had come home to get something for his work, he saw that I was there and came to find where I was at.  As my back was turned away from him he called out and asked "How is it going?"  I immediately turned around finding him standing about 10 feet from me and responds "It is going well, but you have endless amount of weeds."  Not only I heard him say something but every word.  As I responded I smiled at my Dad's smiling face both realizing what had just happened.  A priceless moment.
The other wow moment and someone just pointed it out to me.  As I was walking with a friend today, someone from my church honked and I turned around and waved.  She text me later as she was excited that I turned around and waved and heard the sound.
The one thing that I did not expect to happen this week was one of my processors going on me.  After playing around with it trying several things, the very helpful AB support determined that something with the processor was wrong and replacing it.  Still under warranty.  During this time as the processor fading in and out on me each time it did I longed for the sound to return.  Continuing to rejoice in the Lord with the on going progress I am making.
God is reminding me really to trust in him through all things, as the last couple weeks have been more on the stressful side.  I am also reminding myself of the little things in life, rather than looking at the over all big picture.  God is showing me gratitude for each small things and rejoicing in him for each of those things.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Philippians 4:4-9

Rediscovering Sounds

The last couple weeks I have been spending a lot of time in prayer in where God is leading and directing me right now. I have to say this right now is a difficult time as I am processing many things, feeling like I am on a seesaw.  But God is teaching me to be patient and trusting in him through this time.  I know he is going to open doors and close some.
As I sit back I am also sinking in many things that I am hearing.  Some days seem like I am having incredible moments and other day feel like I am not moving at all.  But I remind myself to be patient. As I lost my hearing fairly quickly and was not born deaf, I know what things sound like before hand and remember there were moments that I complained that some things were annoying (like a bird outside my window waking me up at 4 am every morning)--yes I am a morning person but not that early.  Now as I sink in the birds singing, frogs croaking, the water flowing in the stream, thunder roaring, the splash and pop of my nephew throwing a stone in the creek or pond, etc, I have 1.) grown a more appreciation of sounds that God created and 2.) rediscovering sounds again that I have missed for a long time.  I now also know why my Dad and my mom get annoyed with Simba barking all the time.  I just sit back and yes he can carry on, but hearing it is a gift.  I have to say I am loving all the sounds even the annoying ones.
The last couple weeks I have been to weddings and graduation parties with my family.  The joy of coming from a large family.  You may ask me how many first cousins I have, which is close to 40.  Many sounds I was able to pick up and total wow moments.  Someone honked a party horn and I have to say I jumped when it went off.  I was able to make out some of the wedding vows and hold some conversations.  Many of my family came up and ask "Is it too loud or it is loud what do you think?" and "Is it working."  
Today as I was at a graduation party, I was talking with my aunt and I heard a snap followed by a big thud.  I picked the direction happening right ahead of me as I watched a tree limb come down off the tree. 
People's voices are sounded more like I remember now.  People that are softer tone still scratchy and same with children. I am being able to understand some of my nephew Austin even in his toddler world language.  I think being around kids has helped.  It is coming.  I am starting to test myself on the phone, still using the caption call but with the CI.  It sound a little creepy and cartoonish.  So I guess I can still joke with others sounding like cartoon characters.
As I continue to reflect and really spend time in prayer discerning where God is leading me.  Psalms 40: 1-3 and Psalm 63 has been on my heart as the first part of the passage "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water."
As my Dad was up in the mountains he discovered a water lily in our pond and called all of us girls.  The eagerness and excitement he had and myself reflecting on how it closes each night and reopens in the day and relating that to my life.  Each day is a new beginning and taking each day as it comes not worrying about tomorrow.  This was a much needed reminder for me.  I sit back and watching my garden and flowers grow and reflect in growing with my trust and patience in God. 
The song 10,000 Reasons gripped my heart this morning in reminding me fully putting my trust in him and leading me through.
Thank you for all your prayers through this time as I am taking time in seeking God where he is leading me. 

Adventures Kayaking with Neptune

This weekend my family and I went to our mountain house for the memorial day weekend.  It was a great time up there just being with family.  We had a great weekend weather wise, no rain. 
My  adventure was being on the kayak and using my neptune processor.  What a difference from hearing the paddle in the water to being able to talk with some people. I was indulging on all the sounds. This was the first taking it in water. 
Things are coming along with the hearing and I continue to be amazed with God's goodness and grace through this time.  I have to say I come to appreciate the gift of hearing, it is something that we take for granted. 
One verse that has been playing in my head is Proverb 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make you paths straight."

THE Post-Activation Hearing Screening

This morning I took the time to really reflect on Psalm 23.  Verses 2-4 really stick out to me right now:
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness...Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me your rod and staff, they comfort me." It helped me remind myself of patience and grace.  I held this with me going into my appointments today.
Today I returned to JH for a mapping session.  My audiologist took me back to the hearing booth to screen my hearing with my CI.  For once I was not nervous and very eager to see what my hearing test looked with the CI. It is neat to see my scores on the higher end than at the bottom of the graph :) My audiologist would have liked them a little higher, but due to all the twitching, it set back the results a little.  But my understanding of speech in quiet was 85% (this was just sentences) compared to my total score of 10%.  My doctor and audiologist are very pleased with the results.  I am excited.  When I first met with my doctor and audiologist communication was not easy, reading lips and writing things down, now I still read lips but less writing things down.  I notice improvements each day.  Sometimes taking steps back and than leaps forward.  Baby steps I have to remind myself of.  It is basically like I am trying to learn a new language.
 Due to the twitching and we played with it today seeing which electrodes were setting it off and different volumes making the twitching worse.  This was a fun game as my audiologist watch my face twitch to the different tones. I am going back to her in June for her to keep an eye on it.  there were some points today it really went.  She told me to email her with even slight changes or problems. 
As I was driving to my appointments it was raining.  I love the sound of rain and to be hearing it was awesome.  Not just the tapping on my windshield but the steadiness of the rain too and it dripping off the roof.  Just these little glimpses each day make me appreciate it all. My audiologist words to me as I left "it is all worth it right with the surgery"  I said "you got it."  No I don't regret it. And the trips to MD are worth it. 
Yesterday when I got down to my sisters, my nephew looked at me "Hockey, you play with me."--pointing to the hockey sticks and ball.  So we played some toddler hockey.  Today he wanted to play again but it was rainy and wet.  I am picking out some words of my nephew, this is a challenge, but determined.

Music to My Ears (WOW)

It has been five weeks post activation and each day I have been listening to music even though it sounds like bad static, still exposing myself to it and listening to familiar songs.  I was driving today and put the radio on once again, I still need it at a increased level but down more (before surgery even up it was static), I was able to make out the actually lyrics or most of them.  My heart sunk in and felt unreal of what I was hearing.  I was blown away, so even listening to music if it sounded like nothing but being persistent is worth it.  It is only going to get better :).  I continue to be amazed with my CI and loving it.  I have come to appreciate even the annoying sounds.  And the one thing nice if I don't want to hear something, I can simply remove the processor.
The song "Blessings" comes to my mind today feeling blessed to be hearing the things that God created.

Patience and the other P on the journey

I title this entry as Patience for a reason. This is one thing that God is really working on in my life through this journey.  And Patience is a must no matter which route one goes with a hearing loss, I have to admit there are times that "yes" I do get impatience through it, but keep reminding myself to push forward and be persistance.  It reminds me of someone learning to walk or learn, like my niece Penny she is trying to pull herself up and than falls but keeps on trying.  You take steps forward and back but continue making process.  Even the slightest improvement is a gift.  Right now it is exciting for me to noticed the little things that I can now hear.
Today I went on a walk, no no adventure in getting bit, but I heard some dogs barking, yes I look left, right. up, down and sometimes turn around and sit down until I locate the sound, but I heard the dogs barking.  I continue to enjoy God's creation more and more as I hear all the birds and each having their different song.  I can now identify a woodpecker with his sound.  I think I am going to have to take my bird book back and try to figure out the birds through their songs.  I have to remember one time I was so annoyed with the bird making a nest outside my window when I was young b/c they woke me up so early in the morning, now I am loving the sounds of the birds.  And one thing is if I simply don't want to hear something I can simply take off my processor.  One advantage with hearing loss/deafness. 
The thing that caught myself on my walk this morning was there were children waiting for the bus to go to school.  A first grader and third grader (guessing) said "hi"several times,  I heard it but took time to locate direction.  I waved back to them and said "Hi.  Have a great day at school."  They smiled back.  As I continued walking I felt my hear sank and feeling overjoyed.  Hearing children, even though they repeated. Still I heard it.  Yes these are older children but it is a start.  I am so glad that I did not take my music with me, rather enjoyed the sounds of nature.  I have been exposing myself to children and yes older ones are better, still difficult but grasping it.  Speech is still harder to gain and sounds are becoming more clear and identifying them through visual cues too. Voices are sounding less cartoonish, men's voices still can be high pitch and same with children's but making more things out. 
There are times where I feel that yes I am overdoing it and have to step back and give myself a break, but I am missing the sounds so much and wanting to wear my processor all the time. This is one difference with me using the hearing aids.  I continue to be amazed with all the things that I am hearing, much more than with hearing aids.  I have to say I actually turned the radio lower for the first time in a long time. 
Retraining your brain to hear and process takes PATIENCE and is very tiring. Just think of learning a new language or just having to relearn all over again. But it is paying off and keeping me motivated.  I continue to progress with my balance and challenging myself in that area.
I am trying not to look at the whole picture, rather little steps and improvements.
As there are frustrating days and times of uncertainity I reflect on Psalm 121 reminding me that God is with me all the way of this journey.  He will lead me through. It also helps me to remain patient and keep on going.

Wow moments--2 weeks post activation

I continue to be amazed with how I am progressing with  the CI and just having the feature of Clear Voice.  As I reflected back on the week, the birds are sounding more and more amazing than ever and trying to pick out what type of bird that I am actually hearing.  I am enjoying nature more than ever being able to hear more things. 
PTL my twitching is getting better, but have to keep the settings low and try short periods of the higher settings gradually.  Hopefully this will work and not have to go back to the old programs, which would be a trip down before my next appointment and that means I am more progressing than taking a step back. 
My balance is progressing and doing very well with therapy and seeing improvements with it. :) I am progressing to more challenging activities and always eager to try new things.
Today I went for a walk with my friend and yes my pace is back to normal and walking much quicker. I have to say I am eager to start jogging again and know I am getting there with therapy.  Today, there was a biker behind me and my friend pulled me over to let me know that someone was passing us, as the biker passed I could catch a little glimpse of the sound the bike made.  Just little moments of these things that I am hearing just continue to amaze me. 
It is exciting in taking steps forward.
I continuing with auditory therapy and that includes interacting with others, listening to books on tape and listening to music and watching tv, but also listening to surrounding sounds.  I have to say I am enjoying the many children's books on tape.  Voices are becoming easier and less cartoonish, except mens voices are still high pitch sounding (sorry guys you do still sound like mickey mouse).  Some voices are stilll squeaky but I am being able to understand more speech.  It is helpful following along for a message at church or book on tape in this process, but able to actually follow is becoming easier.  Yes this is exhausting but a good exhaustion.  Many people are enjoying that I change the colors with my processor and my pick of the day.  I like the pink.  I am very open about people asking about it.
This past weekend I attended a women's retreat with my church and it was amazing and just the message that I needed to hear.  A great reminder of who I am in Christ. On Friday evening the speaker handed me the notes for me to follow along, on the notes there was a sticky note with this quote "Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the storm because our hope is in Christ."  As many of you know or recognize this quote from my mom.  It is one that I hold onto too through this time.  I told the speaker how much and why that quote means so much to me, she was very encourage and we both agree that that sticky note was to be on the outline notes.  Just a blessing from God and a reminder I needed.
The one new song really stuck out to me "You Made Us Your Own"

Tweaking session/ Mapping 3

It is hard to believe that I have only been using my CI for 11 days now.  Still amazed with things that I am hearing.  Last Friday I went for my third tweaking session and she did some more adjustments and tested my speech discrimmination (basically me understanding what she is say).  It took a couple times of her repeating but I did very well with it, finally getting all the words.  Off to a good start. :) Speech still sounds cartoonish and very squeaky and it is hard to tell mens voices verses women. Men's voices are high pitch so there are times when I am hearing someone talk, I have to chuckle with what it sounds like.  Since I was not born deaf or hard of hearing this is a normal response.  It is a process of retraining the brain to hear.  I am listening to books on tape and just interacting with others.  Still small and large groups are overwhelming and challenging, which is normal too.  Yesterday I went on a walk with a friend and I heard a helicopter, I could detect a sound and my friend pointed it out, but I heard it :). 
One thing I have been noticing is that my right eye and side of the face twitches when I wear the processor, which is an indicator that it is too strong and overstimulating the brain.  I contacted JH and right now my audiologist is out on vacation so I have to wait until she gets back but looks like another trip down before my next appointment the end of May.  I talked with the my doctor's nurse just to make sure it was not something from the surgery itself.  She was surprised that I was talking on the phone and said "you must be doing well and surprise her" until I told her I was "cheating and using a caption call phone"  We both laughed. The phone is the last to come. Mostly we email but she need to ask some more questions.  I have to keep the program to the 1st one and turn it down, yes it makes things difficult but it helps to lessen the twitching.  I don't regret doing this and just keep telling myself it is only going to get better.  I remind myself of Dory from finding Nemo as she said "Just keep on Swimming." 
The song "Lean on Me" as there are times where I do get frustrated. I am learning to be patience and take breaks when I need to.
Have a great day

Some "wow" moments

I just continue to be amazed that I can hear out of my right ear finally.  Sounds and voices may not be clear yet or hard to detect what things are but grateful for the gift of hearing.  Yesterday taking a walk, yes i heard various sounds but finally figured that I was actually hearing the birds. I venture further with taking Simba to the groomers and vet yesterday which, I had to stop them several times to slow down and I was up front with them about my hearing.  Let just say Simba was not my best buddy yesterday, and today was very apprehension to go with me but we went for a short walk in the park and he was fine. 
I also went to my CG with my church last night and that was an adventure.  I still have to rely a lot on lip reading and was able make out bits and pieces.  This was a challenge but very motivated with retraining my brain to hear. It was the first large group setting and a bit overwhelming.  I just remind myself that it is only going to get better and have to force my brain to recognize the sounds and speech. I am not using my hearing aid just the CI and this will be for 3-6 months.  I am amused with what people's voices sound like and even myself.  I feel like I sound like a fish underwater.
It feels good to get back into doing things, but still need to take things gradually.  I never knew I would miss cooking so much :)  I am starting to drive some but have certain times I have to refrain from it. Many people ask what things sound like and voices.  It is very cartoonish, like people are talking under water and echoey.  I have to remind people to slow down and face me still. Also that I am not ready to use a regular phone or and IPod yet.  Time will come.  Each time I go for more mapping, my audiologist is slowly working with me with speech recognition without me looking at her and in a quiet setting.  They will soon test me in the hearing both on grasping tones and word recognition.  Patience is the key and Perservance.  It is neat how God is sustaining me through this journey.  The song "All I have is Christ" has me going on this journey.
I think of my mom often and how excited she is in heaven, knowing that she is with me all the way.  The colors I picked out (although I change them, which is awesome) are in rememberance of her. Yes the CI is helping me hear and I do not regret it, there will always be a part of deafness with me and it is okay.

Tweaking Session 2 and my Neptune

Today I headed back to JH for more tweaking/mapping session.  Not sure what I want to call it.  I received my other processor the off the ear one and waterproof.  It is called the Neptune.  I have lot of new toys.  I am still adjusting to the new settings on the programs.  This is going to take time, the best way to help retrain my brain to hear is by communicating with people, listening to books on tape and other exercises.  I think I will make a trip to the library this week to get some books on tape (starting with Children's).
I will continue with vestibular therapy and exercising is something that will be ongoing for me to keep my vestibular system strong.  This is something that I am thrilled about as I enjoy it.  Right now I am building back up, but eventually get back to riding bike and running.  I am cleared to drive as long as I am not having vertigo or dizziness and not to or after therapy as it makes me dizzy with the exercises righ now.
On the journey home, Dad and I stopped for lunch.  It was great spending time with Dad and talking with him.  It was also nice to spend time with my sister and the kids and helping them out with their flower beds.  I am just overjoyed and amazed what I am hearing even though I am not sure what all I am hearing.  It feels good to hear and it is a precious gift. 
The two songs that come to my mind are "Rejoice in the Lord" and "The Saving One."  

Happy Sunday

Yesterday was an eventful day with the CI.  I am getting use to it but yes it makes my head ande ear sore, but worth it with hearing through the CI.  The adventures continues.  It is very difficult to make out voices (normal), so still lip reading.  Speech is the hardest to understand.  I can detect sounds but some I have a hard time identifying with, but I can hear.  I often have to get help of what I am actually hearing.  My nephew Austin does sound like Mickey as other voices. 
One highlight that I tried yesterday was talking on video Skype with my girlfriend. It was a challenged but thanks to her she slowed down enough for me to read her lips.  Hearing is exhausting, but feels good.  I go back tomorrow for more programming and to get my Neptune processor which is off the ear and waterproof.  I have been ready for this moment for a long time and yes it takes time, patience, perservance and being persistant (3 P's). 
Dad and I have spent the weekend with my sister and her family.  It has been a joy and we have been helping them out with their flower beds.  I am able to do more things and that feels good.  My sister dug out a lot of tulip, daffodils, croucus, and many other bulbs that I am going to bring back with me to plant in my flower beds.  It has been a great joy being with the kids.  Austin has not asked what is on my head though and Penny has not tried to grab it which I thought she might. 
We did video tape the activation and I will post pictures of my processor and all the toys it came with when I get back.
Continuing to rejoicing in the Lord with this journey and blessing to hear. :)  Have a great Day

Activation Day

Thanks to all who sent texts and your prayers for today.  It was a big day and yes I am tired.  Activation went well and things sound "wild and crazy" so to speak.  I knew that I would not hear everything and be able to follow speech right away and that it will take time for me to adjust to all the sounds I forgot and understand speech. 
What it sounds like?  the sounds are noisy yet soft in some ways and it is hard to tell what it is right away or where it is coming from, this is normal and my audiologist (awesome one) said just ask others what I am hearing if I cannot make it out.  Speech and voices sound very scratchy and like someone is speaking underwater yet cartoonish.  So yes like disney characters.  Which makes me laugh.  When they first turned it on, I was suprised and not sure what to expect.  Very amazing and just felt good to hear. I still need to be lip reading and close to someone. 
Today I was on program 1 and tomorrow I got to 2 and Sunday 3.  I can adjust the volume on the programs.  I return monday for more adjustments and also meeting with my doctor. I am grateful to bei hearing right now and trying to pick out different sounds. I took a walk shortly after getting back to my sisters trying to pick out sounds in nature.  Lawn mower was one thing going sounding werid and not sure what it was.  Traffic sounds like a whoosh under a tunnel.
I am turning in for the night.  Journey to hearing is exhausting as well as exciting.
Scripture that comes to mind and someone reminded me of today. "This is the day that the Lord has made.  Let us rejoice and be glad in it."  Joyful for the gift of hearing and this journey.
I will soon post pictures of all my new toys

Activation Day Awaits Me

It is hard to believe that my activation day is FINALLY here (well tomorrow). I am VERY excited for this moment to finally be here.  Soon I may complain that things are "TOO" loud, but it will be a good thing and feel good to hear with that ear.
The last couple weeks have been very hard but also very busy, so that has helped.  My appointment for tomorrow is just with my audiologist and than monday again with her and meeting with my doctor.  I am continuing vestibular therapy and was very excited about using the stationary bike, even though it creates issues, it felt good to be on the bike again.  Working my way up to the road bike.  They are giving several exercises in strengthening and retraining my vestibular system.  My therapist is great and helping me out a lot.
As I have been feeling anxious with many changes going on there are two passages that have encouraged me through this time.
" Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God with transcends all understandings, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." --Philippans 4:6-7

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food and the body more important that clothes?...But seek first his kingdown and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."---Matthew 6:25, 31,33-34

One thing I always look forward to is being with my sister and her family.  Now Friday the 13ths will be my lucky days.  :)

Easter Weekend

Happy Easter Everyone.  A little late oh well.  I hope that everyone enjoyed their Easter.  Easter was different for all of us being in different places but also refreshing.  My Dad and I headed to the mountains for Easter.  We stopped for dinner and there was a song playing and Dad said "This song reminds me of Mom." I asked him what the song was?  It was an oldie song I forget the title.  We talked about somethings that reminded us of mom, certain flowers, trees, songs, etc.  As we turned into our driveway, we spotted a deer in the yard, Simba too and he went off barking.  As we got closer we realized that there were actually 4 deer. 
We planted (or Dad did) a willow tree by the pond.  We took some daffodils bulbs down to Mom's memorial site and planted some there.  Dad started to build to stake out for a deck on the back of the house.  It was just nice to be together.
It was great to get away for the weekend and one that I needed to. This weekend I was able to re-focus and be reminded of God's Love for me and everyone.  One song that came into my head was "Oh the Deep Deep Love of Jesus."  The words have touched me in so many ways right now, through this journey in my life.  It reassured me in many ways and areas that I need to build on. 
The two pictures that I took that I am connecting with is the weeping willow and the bluebell flowers.  The blue bells as they are a bulb in the ground and think of life as they grow.

Four DAYS!!!!
As I came back from the mountains, an email was waiting for me and included several passages of scriptures.  It was neat in reflecting on them.
Psalm 23:2
1 Peter 5:10
Psalm 91:11
Psalm 103
2 Timothy 1:7

Back to Church and 11 days

It was great being back in church yesterday, the first time since my surgery.  Since it was April's Fools Day, many people and I decided to go crazy with our hair since part of my hair was shaved for the surgery.  You can still tell but my hair is growing back. And the incision is barely noticable.  No issue with infection in the incision site.  PTL.  It was great seeing everyone and good to be feeling up to doing more things.  I still give myself time to rest as my body is still recovering but things are improving. :)
I am gaining more and more of my balance back, it does get worse when the vertigo kicks in but from the surgery it is getting better and I am able to walk 2 miles with some support, but getting stronger :)  I have to say I am itching to run and bike again.  I will start vestibular therapy to help with the balance and coordination.  It is the coordination with my vestibular system that is affecting my balance verses my muscle strength (that part is good and strong).  Each time I go for a walk with someone I keep pushing to do a little more and gaining more strength.  Exercise will be a continued thing to keep my balance in line like I was doing before the surgery.
In basically now 10 days YAY!!! I have activation and will be retraining my right ear to hear with the CI.  This is exciting and so ready for it.  The best part is seeing my sister and her family in Maryland. 
As activation comes coming Yes I am excited but yet not sure what to expect with  "turn on" this is all new but new and exciting. It will take time to adjust and it is not an overnight thing, I describe that I have a computer in my brain/ear that helps me hear. Sounds will not be the same at first and will sound strange.  I often get nervous and worried but remind myself that God has a plan and that he is with me each step of the way. 

2 Weeks til Activation Day; 3 1/2 week post op

I can't believe that in 2 weeks I get to experience hearing through my frist CI and my right ear for the first time.  I am excited yet nervous in the same way.  For 3 months I will only be using the CI and no left hearing aid, so this will be a journey.  Speech at first may sound very cartoonish to me and peoples voices many sound like disney characters.  Whoo-hoo I will be in disney world.  They told me adjustment take several weeks to months but rather than my hearing worsening thing s will gradually get better.  Even though my activation day is Friday the 13th, I think 13 will be a new lucky number for me.  They don't expect me to get speech right away or detect all sounds but since I lost my hearing pretty quickly and yes I don't remember what things sound like that I may pick up quicker b/c I was not deafen for a long period and that has better success rate.  But they want me to fully use the right ear and hearing through that to adjust.  Let the adventures begin. 
I just hope that this will help settle down the dizziness and imbalance on the right side.  I am still having bouts of vertigo which have been frustrating but feel that they are coming from the left ear mainly.  So I will meet with the doctor again on the 16th after more reprogramming with the CI. I am also beginning therapy to help with my balance but been doing light walking.  I am looking forward to running and biking again for sure and that will come.  Exercise is the way to help strengthen my vestibular system.  It is not my muscle strength that affect my balance but my vestibular system and coordination, so I am having to retrain my brain to coordinate with my body. I am regaining my balance but I force myself in doing the activities but enjoy walking so it is something that I love to do.  I am excited to get all my new toys.  Yay.  It has been bye to my right ear aid and soon hello to my neptune processor.  This is the processor that I can go swimming with and is off the ear, so really looking forward to having something off the ear. 
As exciting this, I have been wanting my mom here with me.  I am so grateful that my Dad will be with me, Mom will be in my spirits. But we all miss her so just continue to pray for my family.
As God has been giving me the strength and peace on this journey, I am so grateful for everyone's support and encouragement through this time.  I just ask for continued prayers as I continue this journey.  Right now with all the uncertainities going on right now, God has been sustaining me through it and really helping me focus on him.  Psalm 121 has been a real big encouragement in relying in him through this time.

Remembering Mom

Wow, I can't believe it that it has been 7 months since my mom went home to be with Jesus.  She is free of cancer and dancing with Jesus.  But yes I am really missing her right now as I am recovering and still struggling with ongoing vertigo episodes.  I know she is in my heart but it is not the same as her presently being here.
Right now I am learning patience as I am yes have to admit getting restless being at home a lot and not being able to do what I want to do.  I met with my allergist today and was quite interesting trying to communicate as I have noticed my left ear decrease from the last episode.  Glad to have someone with me to help. All this changing of weather is affecting me and the high pollen counts.  Since I am doing okay and not reacting to the allergy shots, we are going to continue them and praying that helps with my allergy symptoms.  Generally it takes 5 years of injections, I am only like 3 months passed a year so have some time to go.  The goal is not having to be on any medications for allergies with doing the shots.  This is the 3rd time I have tried them and so far doing better than the past, I had a serious reaction the one time and had to stop.  The allergies do have connection with the menieres (vertigo) episodes. 
I still tire very easy and regaining my balance slowly.  I may have to add in therapy right now to help.  As I reflect on this journey, yes it is a long one, God is teaching me a lot of patience today and helping me to be reassured that he is in control. 
Two verses that stick out to me and encourage me today are
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (this was one verse that my mom loved through her treatment and one that is always an encouragement to me and reminds me that he has a far greater plan for me in life that I may not see right now)
Isaiah 40:39 "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (this verse gives me courage and reminds me to be patient and put my trust in him as I am growing restless waiting for my turn on date and with this journey that I am on with my hearing loss and vertigo)
As I remember my mom today and always I am reminded of her determination and perservance that she had in life, as well as her passsion for Christ.  She never gave up and let her cancer tie her down.  She left that with me and will always be an inspiration in my life. She left a big impact on my life, one I will never let go of.  We all miss you mom.
18 days til turn on and my world gets Noisy :)

Rough Patches

It has been quite a week for me with some ongoing vertigo happening.  I feel mainly it is coming from my left ear which is not the one that was implanted.  My right ear I have still the dizziness from the surgery and not sure if 1 attack was in that ear.  This week it was certainly the left as my hearing decreased again :(.  I was so grateful for the help that people stepped in to help me through it and the afterward feeling, trying to get my stomach to settle from it.  There are rough patches in this recovery from this type of surgery.  The most affected right now is my balance and the dizziness. My spirits remain high, but with this last episode the one thing that I wanted most was my mom and was quite upset.  Even though it was rough, I know things will improve and need to allow myself to rest.  I guess I got to have people sit on me sometimes as it is hard for me wanting to run, but I know my body cannot take it right now and I will be back to running, biking soon.  I am making strides in taking short walks but get exhausted still very easily.  Since it has been very nice out, I have taken a lawnchair outside and rest outside for a change.  This journey has not been easy, but not giving up and determined every step of the way and know that God is right with me each moment.  Thanks for all your prayers and support through this time.

2 weeks Post- OP

I have reached the 2 week mark of post -op.  Doing well with making progress but some set backs, which they say is normal.  I will have some good days and not to good days.  But staying positive through each day and remind myself not to feel like a let down on the hard days.  Yesterday and today have been rough with dizziness and a spinning episode in the non implanted ear but creates pressure and pain in the implanted ear for me.  I have gone back to sleeping in the recliner b/c it is more comfortable and seem to get better rest than my bed right now, but will try the bed here and there. 
I am amazed with staying positive through this recovery and know that it is through all your prayers and support.  I am making strives even through the rough days and using a cane to walk around or holding onto someone for support.  They encourage and allow me to do light walking right now and that is good to retrain my brain with the balance.  Yesterday I manage with the support from a a friend to walk 1/2 mile.   Felt SO good, but yes I tire easy.  I still take naps and rests through the day but about 4-5 in the early evening I am worn out.  Setting goals for myself and know that the allergies are impacting me which I hear is normal.  My hair is starting to regrow back slowly, I still need to keep the hair away from the incision area.  From the front you can't notice it but the back you can.  I feel good about the progress I am making and thank everyone for the continue support and prayers.  God is certainly working in my life right now through this and helping me to remain positive but I have to say I do get frustrated with the limitations I have and i know it is temporary. I am finding different ways of managing aorund the house in the restrictions of no quick head turns or bending or washing dishes.  Using paper products right now but feel that I am wasting a tree.  Again it is only for now.  But there are simple things that I would not think that other suggest and that is helpful.  many people have asked the question already if I would consider doing the other ear and I would say "yes" even though I have not been activated I would go through with it again.  The song that keeps encouraging me is "I'm Hungry"  as I continue to know that I need Jesus through this time. 
I have about 3 weeks til activation and looking forward to that.  :) 

Day of visitors and Sunshine

Today was a full day with many visitors and surprises.  Thanks to everyone who came and brought something special.  It made my day.  I spent quite a bit of time out in the sun and reading.  I am progressing as expected and the continued up and down dizziness is expected from time to time.  I have contacted my doctor and it is okay and good for me to do some light walking which will help me to regain more my balance and strength. Nothing strenguous though.  I am just being cautious with the allergies as pollen counts are high and that does affect the menieres.  I continue to be in good spirits, but yes there are frustrating times.  I continue to ask for prayer that this does help the menieres and doing the light walking will help my balance more, just using a cane or support of someone.  this is one thing I have been itching to do.  I did take several laps around my apartment building today with the cane. 
I am amazed how much the incision is healing up and my hair is growing back.  I think I will just let it grow back rather than cut it. Activation will be three weeks from Friday and longing for that date and appointment with doctor.  It will give me  a better picture of returning to work.  I will be meeting with my OVR counselor again the end of April (it is an organization that helps people work with disabilities).
In the meantime I am enjoying reading and spending more time writing and journaling and praying through this time.  I am feeling strengthened and encouraged by many people from church and family. Any little thing, I much appreciate.  So Thank-You.   It makes a difference. I am grateful for the little hearing left in my left ear even though it is fading too, but I am learning to communicate in different ways but appreciate the little sounds that I do hear.  I am realizing that it is something that we take for granted in life.  I never imagined that I would lose my hearing, but I remain in trusting God that he has a plan for me through all of this.  He is greater than I can imagine.
Thanks again for the support and prayers.  Attached is a pictures of yellow croucous's from the mountain house.  They open and close as I am reminded of how God created them, and even though my hearing may be fading, a new chapter of hearing is going to open up :)

Change of scenery Thanks to Dad

This weekend I got out of the house, which was nice and to our mountain house. Although I was not able to do the normal hiking and active things, we had a great time and rode on the 4 wheeler making sure I made no quick head turns and got to visit mom's memorial spot. We saw some signs of spring with crocous blooming and shoots of the mountain flowers coming up at mom's memorial. And yes it got to be 80 up there. Next time it is kayaking time. :)  I am able to get around with the support of a person or using a cane. I have to admit I am getting quite ansty, wishing I could go for a long run in this beautiful weather and do my normal things. As I unpacked I bent over and yes have to be very careful.  But I am learning that I need to be patience and take it slow.  I hope by next week to try some short distance walks with people and having support.  Any takers? They encourage a little to help me to regain my balance back.
I still wear out quickly, but all that I am feeling with the woozies (dizziness) is normal and sometimes worse than others.  I did have a vertigo episode last week, so still watching that.  My incision is healing and my hair is starting to grow back making it feel fuzzy.  I am still deciding if I want to cut it short and let it all grow back to it normal or wait for it to grow back by itself. 
I am learning a lot of patience through this, even though there are periods that I am getting frustrated.  It is hard for an active person like me to be sitting and resting, but reading and watching movies and taking a lot of time to spend with God is passing time through and encouraging me through times of struggles.  Wednesday will be two weeks and about three weeks until my turn on date.  I am looking forward to hearing nature sounds and voices.  I know it will take time and patience but determined and ready. 
As I am getting antsy and restless the song "I am Hungry" comes to my mind, as I rest on him in needing his strength day by day. 

One week, One day post-op

Well it has been one week since I returned home from John Hopkins and had my CI surgery.  I am doing well and getting around with the support of a cane.  I started with a walker but have progressed to a cane.  I am trying to lessen the pain medication and continue to use ice.  My incision is looking good and my friend and I got creative with drawing smilies around my implanted ear.   It tells how I am grateful for this opportunity. It has been getting itchy and want to scatch but that is a "no no." Today has been a rougher day with balance and vertigo but taking it easy but practicing doing slow motions with my head.
I have been blessed to have someone visit each day to see me and tonight my sister is coming from MD with the kids to see me.  This has been encouraging and helping me keep my spirits high.  I am eager to get back into running and biking and have enjoyed the beautiful weather.  I even took a nap outside on Tuesday soaking the sun up. 
Yesterday and last night I was just encouraged but the people who visited me and having a worship night here at my place.  People bringing it to me.  It meant so much.  Even though I can't follow the songs I can read the words to the music and allowing those words sink into my heart was so powerful.  The one song we sang was "Never let Go" it always reminds me that God is right with me and that through challenging days and moments he is there as my comfort and to lean on him.  I often struggle with fear of acceptance and insecurities and the uncertain of my future and have to remind myself event though yes I have a disability and there are some things that I cannot do, I rather look at it more in what "I CAN DO."  My appearance on the outside does not reflect my heart on the inside.  It is hard for me coming to terms in using a cane and support for walking but at least I can learn other ways to manage.  THis is an ongoing struggle for me, but God accepts me for who I am in him.  Having my pastors come yesterday was another blessing and encouragement to me and taking the time to pray with me through this time period.   Before the countdown was for the surgery now it is the activation.  April 13th will be here before I know it and yes they will test my other ear for getting a CI in that one too.  One moment, one step at a time.  28 days to activation :)

Creativity with markers on my ear

Creative with Hair duos

Update day 6

I am still remaining upbeat and looking forward to get back to running and biking again.  I hope to get outside a little today :)  I am slowly trying exercises with my neck and legs to lessen the stiffness and to see if it helps with the dizziness.  My pain is still there but is a little better.  I may consider PT for the dizziness to help as that has not improved much, but trying to move around despite it. 
I have to admit I been going through some emotions in missing my mom and wishing she was here with me, so that has been very hard.  Some moments are harder than others but know that God is with me through this time.
I have a month til activation and so looking forward to hearing things and just having that gift will be incredible.  I am thankful for the visitors and had my grandparents come in yesterday it was a joy laughting with them and talking. 
the quote that I am reminded of is "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning  to dance in the rain."  Even though times may be stormy and bleak I am learning to dance through this season.

Some things worth the wait

Now that the Surgery is done, activation is right around the corner and God is teaching me the patience I need through this time.  I am overwhelmed with the goodness of Gods grace as people are reaching out to help and lend the help I need right now.  So grateful.
When they activate me they will be testing my other ear to do a CI in that ear.  Yes another hearing test and my favorite thing in the world right?  But it is all part of the process in me to hear better and that is the end result :)
I am grateful for everone lifting my spirits up and keeping me in a positive mode as this recovery is not easy.  We are talking of doing PT to help my balance and not thrilled but if it will help to get me back to running and biking I am for it.  I am still in for running a 1/2 marthon in September with some friends, something to look forward and a goal to have in mind. 
I have been on antibotics and it has caused thrush in my mouth so they have discontinued that and changed some medications for me.  Thanks for everyone helping me out with the surgery and anything I need during this journey into hearing.  Rough but possible.
God is with me all the way.  Hopefully I make sense the medications make me loopy :)
"THose who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength...Teach me Lord to Wait."

4 day POST OP and Chipper

Four Days since my CI surgery.  Recovery has been rough but staying positive and up beat attitude. I just keep in my mind that things will improve and and looking forward to hearing again.  I am not using any hearing aids right now b/c of the bandage and using more sign language and writing things out. 
My experience with JH has been amazing.  Beofre leaving on Thursday I saw my doctor and audioliogist and they are all thrilled that things are going well and love seeing my positive attitude despite the pain, it is worth it.  My Dad just keeps on telling me to give it time and REST, REST, REST.  When they activate me if you have not heard they are going to re-evaluated my other ear and try to set a date for surgery on that ear as well b/c it is going down so fast.  They are also going to work more in treating the menieres too and getting that settled down.  We are working on seeing about getting me a walker to help.
I been getting a big kick out of my bandage decorating it and having fun with flunky hair dues.   I am so grateful for family and friends helping me out and being a support through this time and having the company I need.  Hug Answer to prayer.  God is sustaining me each moment.  
For a story, when I walked into the OR with the surgircal team I made sure I had a strong person to help, (my doctor's collegeus).  We walked in to gether as we were walking into a prom and said "I am sorrry I forgot to get you a coursage."  Just an Awesome team of care they have been.  I am in great hands.  My courasge is now on my ear. 
My Right ear is swollen and red but no infection yet.  One day at a time.  It is neat seeing thr humor and positve attititude I have right now.  Having any barain surgery or type is not easy.  My friends and I decided when I come to church we ar all going to wear our hair flunky for me.  Thanks for your prayers and support.  Let me know if there is anything that you think of that could be of help. 
AMber
"I can do all things though him who gives me strength"

It is day three since the CI surgery and Amber continues to be a trooper. Since she is still in a lot of pain and experiencing nausea and vertigo/dizziness, simple tasks of sitting up, standing, or walking short distances are a challenge and require two people to help. But she is slowly making progress and the dizziness is not uncommon after CI surgery.
 
Amber was able to sleep a little better last night with less coughing interruptions. Due to the nausea, Amber has only been able to tolerate Gatorade, sips of water, and baby food (which she likes).
 
Today Amber enjoyed getting her first warm bath/shower since the surgery and is looking forward to getting a “funky” hairdo to keep her hair out of the incision area.

Despite it all, she is finding opportunities to laugh and smile and is enjoying the times spent with friends and family that stop by to visit her.

Since Amber is confined to her recliner, her church friend Lauren has been kind enough to stay with her 24/7 the last few days and nights to help. This has been a great blessing. More friends are needed to step up to help Amber for the next days/nights and possible weeks, until she is more secure on her feet.

Amber is grateful for all the prayers and support she has received from her friends and family. So please keep it up.

Well that is all for now. More updates will come. So stay tuned….  (written by Kara)

Back home

I returned home yesterday evening from JH.  In a lot of pain and extremely off balance, can't walk without help.  The surgery was an success but waitng with the vertigo thing to see if that help that portion but for sure my hearin.  The bandage hurts too much for my other haring aid so using writing methods to commmucaite.  I met with my doctor and my audiologist yestrerday which was a highlight of th day for me.  they are thrilled with results and will restest my other ear at activation to plan in doing that ear b/ it is dropping fast.  I will post later but need to rest please feel free to stop in just text.  I have  a friend with staying so gtaeflul
Amber
It is rough but WILL make it

Th BIG Day

I am now just hours away from my surgery.  Still bursting with excitement.  I thought I would take a little time this morning to write beforehand as everyone else is eating breakfast and that I don't have to leave until 10, since my surgery is not until 1:30.  I am still amazed how I am staying calm and confident and just filled with excitement.  We arrived in MD last night around 10:45 due to traffic and accidents along the way.  I dozed and practiced some sign language with Kara.  I got something to eat before I went to bed and drank some water.  I did get some sleep but very little, but I know that I will be taking a long nap soon.  I am ready as ever and overwhelmed that I am just hours away from the surgery.  Soon will come the activation day and so looking forward to that.  The best part is being with Austin and Penny along with my family right now.  Austin greeted me with a hug and kiss this morning. Love that little guy and Penny gave me a big smile.
Thanks for all your prayers and support during this journey.  I will keep you posted and write as I feel able to.
I know that God is with me through this and never leaving my side.  Last night as I was awake the song "Everlasting God" played into my head, just putting my trust in him as I take this next step.   My dad and Kara are going to be with me today and my mom in spirits.  I have apart of her with me and always will.
Psalm 121 gives me the reassurance that I need today.
Yes I am hungry and thirsty.

                                  Before Picture (all my hair)

                                                                 THe Right Ear Markering

                                                  smilies the surgeron added to my bandage
                                                        

Pre-Surgery Day and full of Excitement

As I sit back on the day before my surgery for the cochlear implant, tears come to my eyes.  Both tears of joy and sadness.   I am overjoyed and filled with so much excitement that is it bubbling over right now. It is hard to believe that it is coming and the reality that I am getting my first CI is hitting me and there have been NO problems with the insurance.  WHOO.  Yes it will be frustrating at times I am sure but worth it and READY, SO READY!!!

 The other set of tears comes from not having my mom with me on this day.  I so wish that she could be her and know that she is so proud of me. As hard as this is and really hitting me today, I know that she is my angel right by my side and cheering me on in heaven the same that she would be if she were here with me.

As I reflect back to the day that the news was confirmed that I had a hearing loss the first thing that stuck me was fear and a load of questions that remained unanswered.  This fear lead also to a lot of anxiety in myself. All this fear, anxiety, questions and uncertainity, scared me.  Yes I admit I wanted to hide and not anyone know.  As my hearing continued to drop and very quickly I look back it has been 18 months since I was diagnosed and in that period hearing aids have not been very affective for me and now getting the opportunity for the cochlear implant.  I relate this 18 months as to my mom, that was her time frame with her battle with cancer.  With my hearing dropping so fast, yes scary as it has been for me, letting go of wanted to hide it and open up in sharing about it has helped me more to accept it.  Yes it is a disability but I often look at it as not about what I cannot do or hear, rather what I CAN do.  I am learning that I am accepted in anyway and you cannot judge a person from the outside or the things that they are not capable of doing.  Yes there are a lot of sounds and conversations that I cannot hear or follow and things I do need help with, but each little sound big or small I take for granted even though it is not much.  God is sustaining me through this trial and I have been so eager in how he has been faithful to me and working in my life.  Yes there still are fears, questions, times of uncertainity and anxious feelings with this all, but I am learning to lean on him and continuing to trust that he will lead me through. 

By this time tomorrow I will be having my surgery

We are heading down tonight with my dad and friend, as well as my sister and my niece and nephew. I have to arrive at the hospital at 11:30 and my surgery is at 1:30. 

The song "By Faith" has been encouraging me today as I put my trust in God (2 Corithians 5:7) "we live by faith and not by sight"
Psalm 121 also is encouraging me as I reflect on the passage

Almost 2 days

Thank-you to everyone who spent time praying with me today as my surgery is basically 2 days away.  It is hard to believe, I remember when I started counting the days down it was 51 and it is now fast approaching.  I feel very blessed to have so many people praying and supporting me, I really appreciate it. 
Imagine yourself being a kid again at Christmas or your birthday, all that excitement that you have with the big day.  This is how I am feeling with this surgery.  I view any little moment with hearing as a gift and that with my hearing improving through this surgery is a HUGE gift for me.  I have to say the one thing I am looking forward to hearing most is my family and friends voices and to understand them clearly. 
The sermon was very encouraging to me today as it reminded me in facing challenges no matter how big or small they may be, to "come and see" and trust in him to lead me through.  I may be weary somedays and feel frustrated and overwhelmed with the trials that I am facing, but God is sustaining me through them as I need to remind myself to rest in him.  I know what ever the outcome of the surgery and whatever God has in store for me, he will provide and sustain me through this journey and lead me through.
Tonight I got to spend time with my family as my sister is up from MD with the kids.  It is always a joy to see Penny and Austin.  They have certainly filled out family with joy as we continue to miss my mom.  I have to say you know that they are here or at least Austin is b/c the sweeper is always out.  He will be a great house cleaner soon. 
The words from "Everlasting Lord" stick into my mind from the message and the closing song "Come to Me"
Have a great night.