And the one week marker

i am amazed how time flies.  I remember my appointment December wpth and failing the hearing test and finding out that  I was a "candidate" for the cochlear implant.  I never thought that I would be excited in failing a test like that.  Prior to other hearing I was more upset finding out my hearing was going and so quickly.  My friend was with me and remember saying "failing this will be a good thing and praying that I did." with my hearing it was hard to know what to pray for, but my only prayer was regaining hearing some sort of wa, whether it meant the CI or naturally. This time failing the hearing screening was a good thing, in a sense of hope with being able to regain hearing back through the CI.  I know this journey is just begining in feeling hopeful that I will be able to hear things that I have forgotten.  Yes I have to admit that there are some anxieties going on right no, but the excitement is outweighing it and just so ready.  Many people have asked me "what is it like and what does it sound like"  To give you a picture of it, I describe or have people imagine plugging their ears with ear plugs and going a normal day just to get a sense.  Yes many people first think silence is what a person hear and that is what i thought too.  yes my world is quiet and faint. I may not be able to hear sounds or make out speech very well but in exchange I get loud ringing in my ears that goes with my silent world.  Thing sound faint and vry quiet.  I often feel that I am in a different world or sometimes in between two worlds.  i am very hopeful with this surgery and even though it will take a lot of patience and determination, i am ready for it.  I am also praying that it helps settle my vertigo down as that is uncertain.  everyone with menieres response differently to treatment.  As some days I feel insecure with it,  I often remind myself that God loves me for who I am and I am his child. He will never leave me and he accepts me fully.  Yes in one week I willl have a bionaic ear (the company is advanced bionics).    Losing my hearing has been a scary and filled with uncertainities, but even though I will lose my natural hearing I have more to gain than to lose.  Yes ONE WEEK :) :)

Reflections

Reflecting back to many thoughts.  Right now I have been thinking about my mom, as yyesterday was six months since she went home to be with Jesus.  I often think and picture her dancing on those golden streets in heaven and with Jesus.   Yesterday at church we sang a song about heaven and the words hit me as i thought of my mom being there.  Yes I miss he, but grateful for the inspiration that she had on my life and will hold onto it. The other song that was an encouragement to me and keeps on playing in my head is "Completely Done" the words to verse three stick out to me most "I don't know what lies ahead, what if I fail again.  You are my confidence, you keep to the end.  I'm leaving my fears behind me now." Through many obstacles in my life, I often combat fear with them and yes I have that with my hearing loss too.  I may not know where or why this obstacle of my hearing loss came, but I often remind myself that God has a purpose for me through this time and he is teaching me though this time.  Losing my hearing has been very scary for me I have to admit and often dread hearing tests.  As my hearing kept failing it was easy for me to feel that I was failing.  yes i may not know what lies ahead but I trust that God will lead me. Yes it is hard to believe I only have eight days to go.

two weeks

Last night, I shared my testimony in my Care Group.  I am just overwhelmed with grace on how God is providing and sustaining me through this time.  I am eager to see how God continues to work in my life.  In some ways right now I can't believe that my first CI surgery is in two weeks and in seven it will be turned on. As my family is nervous and some apprehnsive , i am excited and ready. Yes I lost my hearing, but I am more gaining from this experience and I continue to have more to gain.  I continue to look forward to sharing this journey with you and look forward to relearning to hear again.

Memory Weekend in the Mountains

I just returned from spending a wonderful time in the mountains with my family (Dad and my sisters and nephews and niece).  It was the first time that I had been up since we made a memorial by the creek for my mom.  Yes I shed another set of tears missing her and remembering the memories that we shared.  It was just nice being together and glad that we have one another as we all continue to miss mom. 
On Saturday, there was a helicopter that everyone heard and spotted.  I saw it but could not hear it, but I thought soon I will be able to hear many sounds that I have been missing.  I think there will be sounds that I don't miss too.  This can be a challenge for me but I have learned to be okay with it.  We did have a little snow but this is one year we have not had enough to one get stuck or two go sledding which is something that we enjoy having an awesome hill to use.
On Friday I had my pre-surgerical physical which went well, now just have a couple tests that I need to get.  Everything is going well and have not heard any issues regarding problems with the insurance which is a good sign, meaning things are covered :)  17 more days until surgery
I am currently working on some writings that I will soon post to share. One is it is like to have a hearing loss as many people have asked or question. 

Two songs that stick out to me through the weekend
"Forever Reign"
"The Stand"

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day everyone :) I hope that you got to spend time with the ones that you love. Yesterday, I got some special early valentines that made my day.  My sister Heather and I made dinner for my Dad. This morning I called him up to wish him a Happy Valentine's day.  Yes the first holidays are hard without Mom. This weekend we are all planning to go up to the mountains as a family for the long weekend.  It is a place filled with memories that we will always cherish and the times that we spent with mom. It feels like it is a place of healing. 
The countdown continues and have 3 weeks left.

1 month til surgery

Yes I am counting down the days.  I have to say that I am more excited than nervous and just totally ready for this.  It is step two in the process (first the testing and doctors appointments).  After this I will wait 5 weeks until they activate and get my new toys.  One thing that I am praying for is that I don't lose too much more in my left ear (yes that ear has dropped).  Thanks for your prayers and support through this time.

30 Days

The message yesterday at church was an encouragement to me as a reminder that Jesus is the one that satisfies our needs. It is not about the things that we have that satisfies us it is Jesus that we need over all.  I know I can get distracted from things that I want or think I need and this was a good reminder of my own personal relationship with him.  I connect this to the events of the past weeks happenings.  Although my want right now is to be able to hear better, I know that God is working through me on this and sustaining me with peace among the obstacles that I am facing.  This past week I had another meniere's episode and it has dropped my hearing significantly.  Things sound more silently using my left hearing aid.  As I noted this as it happened, I have to admit I got scared, but also I felt a sense of peace within me knowing that things will be okay.  I still have not regained the hearing back and I am okay with it.  I am not giving up and know that God is going to provide and help me through this time.  I am anxious to begin to memorize John 15:1-17
The words to yesterday closing song stick in my head "Give me Jesus" and "Turn your Eyes Upon Jesus"
Thanks to those who came down to pray for me yesterday and for your ongoing prayers and support

Yes 30 days today in the countdown :)

Update

I spoke with my sinus doctor at JH yesterday and he has been in contact with my allergist.  The flares that I have that seem like it is a cold or an infection is more allergy related, they sometimes do turn to infections.  We agreed that these flares also have an impact on my Menieres and trigger episodes, which is very common as a trigger.  I have noted this for awhile.  It feels good to know that my doctors are all working hand in hand with getting the treatments I need.  I am so grateful that God has provided a place like JH, your don't often get phone calls from your doctors themselves, but they do at JH.
On second note, I have recently discovered an online chat and forums through the Advanced bionics and have met some other people with cochlear implants.  It is neat connecting with others and hearing their stories.  The thing that stuck out to me last night on the chat was people noting the different things that they could hear with the cochlear implant.  I was thinking I will be able to soon hear those sounds again.  Some of the people there this is all new to them, for me I have heard the sounds before but can no longer hear them.  So all the sounds that I have forgotten or missed will come back.  It has been encouraging knowing the hope that lies ahead.  It makes me more and more ready for this.  Have a great day and enjoy your weekend. :)
Phil: 4:13 "I can do anything through him, who gives me strength."

First Post

I finally got my blog up and running. I was encouraged in starting a blog through others with their journey and looking forward to sharing my journey with you. 
Today I got to visit my kids at work and my co-workers.  It was neat seeing everyone.  Hugs from everyone felt good.  I miss my kids.  If all goes well hoping to be back by May :) 
Have a Great Day. 

Count down 4 weeks and 6 days or 34 days until CI surgery