Rejoicing through the Obstacles

As I have been going through many mixed feelings these last several weeks, God is teaching me to really trust in him through the obstacles that I am facing and also seeing the light through it all.  Also just as I continue working in my garden, it a great therapy for me.  Bring on the digging in the dirt.  Totally love it.  Yes it may sound crazy but so true.
I often get a sense of what my mom would say through this time and just her spirit is in my heart even though she is not here presently with me.

"Even through the difficult days as things may look gloomy and bleak, there is a light shining ahead. As things may feel discouraging and scary at times, there is hope in the end and a positive outcome. No matter how gloomy things look, looking up on the positive side, I see hope and encouragement through it all.  And God is with me all the way.  Every step I take."

This is one thing that I took away from meeting with my doctors and audiologist this week. As I received results of my hearing.
After that appointment, as I was trying to sleep and take all of it in several songs came to mind and I sang myself to sleep.  "I need Jesus,"  "Give me Jesus,"  "Amazing Grace," Never Once," " My Life Flows On," and "Oh no you Never let Go."

Graditude and Wow moments

As many of you know that I have been doing a lot of gardening.  This has been extremely helpful for me and God has been teaching me through it.  It is my second year and this year much more successful.  The animals stayed away let's just say. As my garden is producing summer squash, red beets, cucumbers, green bean, peppers and tomatoes, each vegetable is giving me a reminder in life right now.  He is reminding me mainly that he loves me for who I am and that he created me special and unique as each of my vegetables have taken some unique shape or form. And his love for each of us.

                                              My TWO UNIQUELY YOU cucumbers
A wow Moment:
Several weeks ago I went for a walk with a friend at the park.  There was a biker behind us, I looked back and my friend pulled me aside for my safety.  She asked if I hear them because I looked back.  I did not hear them, but I have learned to look back making sure.  We went for a walk again on Tuesday and this time a biker called from behind "on your left"  I heard them and the exact words.  I looked at my friend and gave a smile and said "I heard that."  I am beginning to hear more thing behind me.  

Another Wow moments

What a warm week that it has been here in PA, with all the hot and humid weather.  Ahh you got love living in PA.  A great way to start off the beginning of summer. 
The last two weeks I have been spending time in my garden and my Dad's flower beds weeding.  I think I have become a weeding excerpt.  As I was weeding my Dad's flower beds, not aware that he had come home to get something for his work, he saw that I was there and came to find where I was at.  As my back was turned away from him he called out and asked "How is it going?"  I immediately turned around finding him standing about 10 feet from me and responds "It is going well, but you have endless amount of weeds."  Not only I heard him say something but every word.  As I responded I smiled at my Dad's smiling face both realizing what had just happened.  A priceless moment.
The other wow moment and someone just pointed it out to me.  As I was walking with a friend today, someone from my church honked and I turned around and waved.  She text me later as she was excited that I turned around and waved and heard the sound.
The one thing that I did not expect to happen this week was one of my processors going on me.  After playing around with it trying several things, the very helpful AB support determined that something with the processor was wrong and replacing it.  Still under warranty.  During this time as the processor fading in and out on me each time it did I longed for the sound to return.  Continuing to rejoice in the Lord with the on going progress I am making.
God is reminding me really to trust in him through all things, as the last couple weeks have been more on the stressful side.  I am also reminding myself of the little things in life, rather than looking at the over all big picture.  God is showing me gratitude for each small things and rejoicing in him for each of those things.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Philippians 4:4-9

Rediscovering Sounds

The last couple weeks I have been spending a lot of time in prayer in where God is leading and directing me right now. I have to say this right now is a difficult time as I am processing many things, feeling like I am on a seesaw.  But God is teaching me to be patient and trusting in him through this time.  I know he is going to open doors and close some.
As I sit back I am also sinking in many things that I am hearing.  Some days seem like I am having incredible moments and other day feel like I am not moving at all.  But I remind myself to be patient. As I lost my hearing fairly quickly and was not born deaf, I know what things sound like before hand and remember there were moments that I complained that some things were annoying (like a bird outside my window waking me up at 4 am every morning)--yes I am a morning person but not that early.  Now as I sink in the birds singing, frogs croaking, the water flowing in the stream, thunder roaring, the splash and pop of my nephew throwing a stone in the creek or pond, etc, I have 1.) grown a more appreciation of sounds that God created and 2.) rediscovering sounds again that I have missed for a long time.  I now also know why my Dad and my mom get annoyed with Simba barking all the time.  I just sit back and yes he can carry on, but hearing it is a gift.  I have to say I am loving all the sounds even the annoying ones.
The last couple weeks I have been to weddings and graduation parties with my family.  The joy of coming from a large family.  You may ask me how many first cousins I have, which is close to 40.  Many sounds I was able to pick up and total wow moments.  Someone honked a party horn and I have to say I jumped when it went off.  I was able to make out some of the wedding vows and hold some conversations.  Many of my family came up and ask "Is it too loud or it is loud what do you think?" and "Is it working."  
Today as I was at a graduation party, I was talking with my aunt and I heard a snap followed by a big thud.  I picked the direction happening right ahead of me as I watched a tree limb come down off the tree. 
People's voices are sounded more like I remember now.  People that are softer tone still scratchy and same with children. I am being able to understand some of my nephew Austin even in his toddler world language.  I think being around kids has helped.  It is coming.  I am starting to test myself on the phone, still using the caption call but with the CI.  It sound a little creepy and cartoonish.  So I guess I can still joke with others sounding like cartoon characters.
As I continue to reflect and really spend time in prayer discerning where God is leading me.  Psalms 40: 1-3 and Psalm 63 has been on my heart as the first part of the passage "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water."
As my Dad was up in the mountains he discovered a water lily in our pond and called all of us girls.  The eagerness and excitement he had and myself reflecting on how it closes each night and reopens in the day and relating that to my life.  Each day is a new beginning and taking each day as it comes not worrying about tomorrow.  This was a much needed reminder for me.  I sit back and watching my garden and flowers grow and reflect in growing with my trust and patience in God. 
The song 10,000 Reasons gripped my heart this morning in reminding me fully putting my trust in him and leading me through.
Thank you for all your prayers through this time as I am taking time in seeking God where he is leading me. 

Adventures Kayaking with Neptune

This weekend my family and I went to our mountain house for the memorial day weekend.  It was a great time up there just being with family.  We had a great weekend weather wise, no rain. 
My  adventure was being on the kayak and using my neptune processor.  What a difference from hearing the paddle in the water to being able to talk with some people. I was indulging on all the sounds. This was the first taking it in water. 
Things are coming along with the hearing and I continue to be amazed with God's goodness and grace through this time.  I have to say I come to appreciate the gift of hearing, it is something that we take for granted. 
One verse that has been playing in my head is Proverb 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make you paths straight."

THE Post-Activation Hearing Screening

This morning I took the time to really reflect on Psalm 23.  Verses 2-4 really stick out to me right now:
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness...Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me your rod and staff, they comfort me." It helped me remind myself of patience and grace.  I held this with me going into my appointments today.
Today I returned to JH for a mapping session.  My audiologist took me back to the hearing booth to screen my hearing with my CI.  For once I was not nervous and very eager to see what my hearing test looked with the CI. It is neat to see my scores on the higher end than at the bottom of the graph :) My audiologist would have liked them a little higher, but due to all the twitching, it set back the results a little.  But my understanding of speech in quiet was 85% (this was just sentences) compared to my total score of 10%.  My doctor and audiologist are very pleased with the results.  I am excited.  When I first met with my doctor and audiologist communication was not easy, reading lips and writing things down, now I still read lips but less writing things down.  I notice improvements each day.  Sometimes taking steps back and than leaps forward.  Baby steps I have to remind myself of.  It is basically like I am trying to learn a new language.
 Due to the twitching and we played with it today seeing which electrodes were setting it off and different volumes making the twitching worse.  This was a fun game as my audiologist watch my face twitch to the different tones. I am going back to her in June for her to keep an eye on it.  there were some points today it really went.  She told me to email her with even slight changes or problems. 
As I was driving to my appointments it was raining.  I love the sound of rain and to be hearing it was awesome.  Not just the tapping on my windshield but the steadiness of the rain too and it dripping off the roof.  Just these little glimpses each day make me appreciate it all. My audiologist words to me as I left "it is all worth it right with the surgery"  I said "you got it."  No I don't regret it. And the trips to MD are worth it. 
Yesterday when I got down to my sisters, my nephew looked at me "Hockey, you play with me."--pointing to the hockey sticks and ball.  So we played some toddler hockey.  Today he wanted to play again but it was rainy and wet.  I am picking out some words of my nephew, this is a challenge, but determined.

Music to My Ears (WOW)

It has been five weeks post activation and each day I have been listening to music even though it sounds like bad static, still exposing myself to it and listening to familiar songs.  I was driving today and put the radio on once again, I still need it at a increased level but down more (before surgery even up it was static), I was able to make out the actually lyrics or most of them.  My heart sunk in and felt unreal of what I was hearing.  I was blown away, so even listening to music if it sounded like nothing but being persistent is worth it.  It is only going to get better :).  I continue to be amazed with my CI and loving it.  I have come to appreciate even the annoying sounds.  And the one thing nice if I don't want to hear something, I can simply remove the processor.
The song "Blessings" comes to my mind today feeling blessed to be hearing the things that God created.