My story published in HLAA Bucks Chapter

NewsFlash
As many of you know I been apart of the HLAA-Bucks chapter.  They recently asked me to write my story out for the newsletter.  It was offically published in the Spring newsletter
See below

My mom taught me that God created me special and unique and that I was his special children.  She reminded me of this often as I went through numerous learning and health issues in my life.  And despite this she taught me never to give up and push through.

I was born into a hearing world, so when my hearing drastically went on me it was quite scary yet shocking not for myself but also my family.  I am a very active person and love to bike, run, kayak and gardening, as well as other outdoor adventures.  I am also very passionate with working with young children and currently employed at a childcare center as a teacher.

It is quite a mystery of when I actually started losing my hearing and if I was actually born with a mild loss but was misdiagnosed and over looked.  The reason I say this is I struggle with processing disorder and they also diagnosed me with ADD-inatttentive type but the medication never helped.  It was not until 2009-2010 that I noticed and my work noticed that there was something not right and creating difficulties in my work.  I also started having dizzy spells at this time.  It was not until after pushing my local ENT for a year to conduct a simple hearing test that I was officially diagnosed with a permanent moderately severe hearing loss.  Well things continued to spiral downward as I continued having dizzy spells and my hearing decreasing more and more.  Three months after the ininal test I was profound hearing loss and hearing aids were not helping me much.

After many appointments, tests and second options, I finally found hope with doctors at John Hopkins who figured out what was causing my rapid hearing loss and also the vertigo issues.  I was diagnosed with bilateral menieres disease, vestibular migraines and profound hearing loss.  At this point my hearing and the condition had affected my work, resulting in a leave of absence in October 2011. During this time the doctors and I decided the best treatment for both conditions was to implant my ears one at a time. It was not an easy decision for myself, more my family, but I knew I needed to do it for myself. Part of my decision came from meeting others through HLAA and my family and friends. I received my first implant in march 2012 and went bilateral October 2012.  The surgeries were harder on me than most people. Not only did I have to relearn to hear, but also regain my balance. But I was determined and push through and it all paid off.

My hearing loss has not only affected me, but also my family and friends as it came to a shock, yet something that we are learning to accept. I have fully come to accept it and realize my hearing never will be like normal, but it is to the point I can function in the hearing world.   

After being out of work for 15 months, I am back to the same job, teaching my kids.  Hearing childrens voices is the one thing that brought tears of joy and something I truelly missed.  My balance and menieres is well controlled and I am back fully to all my activities with running, biking, kayaking, etc. 

One thing I learned from my hearing loss is having a disability is not about what you cannot do, it is looking beyond and learning what you can do.  Anything is possible regardless of disability.  Yes my deafness is part of me but does not define me.  Two quotes that my mom encouraged me as she battled cancer and I battled my hearing “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain.”  And “God did not promise days without pain, laughter without tear, nor sun without rain.  But he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way. 

Back to Work

Well I am back to work and it feels so good to be back working again.  The adjustment is going well and enjoying being with the kids again.  I am not as tired as I expected that I would be. I also took a phone call on a regular phone and made out most of the conversation before having someone take over.  I was nervous but was ready to take on the challenge.  I was using the ear that was implanted first.
I am able to keep up with my gym exercises and working out each morning.  It actually I find is my coffee for the morning and gets me going.  I just continuing to pray as I adjust and praising him for providing.
Thanks for you support and prayers

Officially Returning to Work

Well it is offical! I am finally returning to my work. I have actually known since January 7th, but waiting until it was announced at my work to my co-workers.  I am continuing to praise the Lord for his provision and leading me where he wanted me to be.  I do have a new position, I will be now working with infants rather than toddlers, which I am thrilled and excited for something different and just glad to return. 
Thanks for all your praying and support through this journey.  No it is not over and in a way beginning a new chapter in my life.  God is teaching me to trust in him and let him lead me.  I know I will have many stories to share once returning to work. 
THe song "I am" by Nichole Noredman has been touching to me this week.  

Christmas with Bionic Hearing

Last year right before Christmas I received the news that I was offically a candidate for getting a cochlear implant and plans were being made in proceeding.  I kept thinking next year at Christmas I will be able to enjoy the wonderful sound of Christmas.  I knew at that time I would being hearing with one bionic ear but it came to hearing with both ears. 
So many are wondering my experience with hearing bilateral with Cochlear implants.  Here is some highlights of my Christmas adventures:

• Christmas Music: I started listening to it soon after Thanksgiving. When being activated with the second ear the week after Thanksgiving I tried with that newly activated ear--bad mistake to jump right in, but if you know me I am like curious george in some way have to check it out. Together they sounded better and eventually closer to Christmas it sounded better.  Music still is sounding ackward but getting better and it was a joy listening to Christmas music with both ears
• December 4: Christmas party with work.  It was great seeing everyone and not only that I just sat back and let everything I was hearing sink in.  I could hear other people talking and the conversation going on.
• December 16 th: This sunday during church I went with my left processor only to give it some training (new one).  If you ask if I could make out much the answer is no not really, but needed to do it. Afterwards I went to a bunch and had both ears on and was able to make out conversation around the table and I felt more confident in hearing. I went to my first Christmas concert hearing :) I sat in the back and while it was challenging at points with hearing all the words, I was able to hear enough to enjoy it.  Afterwards I was chatting with several people and having conversations one to one in the midst of background noise.  I was amazing myself with the progress as others were too.  Yes I was exhausted but it was worth every penny
• December 23: I taught Sunday school and was able to make out what the kids were saying most of the time.  It felt good to interact and hear children's voices.
• December 24: Christmas Eve service.  I went with my family to Blooming Glen's Christmas Eve service.  Again we sat in the back.  This time I found myself able to sing along to the songs hearing the words for the most part.  It just broke my heart being able hear the song "Silent Night" as the candlelighting went on.  I felt as eas interacting with my family afterwards.
• December 25th:  We traveled down to my sisters in Maryland for the day.  I enjoyed interacting with my niece and nephew and the rest of the family.  It made a difference from interacting at Thanksgiving compared to Christmas, one ear verses two makes a difference. I could hear the conversation and my family speaking to me with little to no repeats. I got some nice gardening tools and more eager to start my garden  
• December 30:  The Big Christmas challenge with 61 people.  Yes you heard me right. My Dad's family is huge.  I am one of 25 grandchildren.  I was able to have one on one conversations with people with little repeats.  trying to keep us with the conversations around the table was a little hard but made out well. 
• December 31: Dad and I watch the grandkids as my sister and her husband went out.  It was great interacting with them and able to understand Austin's voice.  Sometimes I give him the nickname mickey as he can sound like that.  yes things on the left still sound a little like hat.  Penny I have made out a couple words with her but a bit more challenging.

With all the dates I have to admit I sound like my Grandpa.  Guess that is a part of the Burkholder in me.
As I am among many changes and transitions right now I am listening to the album Heaven and Earth with mixed singers.  The song "River of Life" is speaking to me in many ways as I continue to walk through these changes.  He is with me all the way.
I continue to be reminded of the quote my mom live by through her cancer and take it as my own through my own journey "Life is not about waiting for a storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain."
As I think of Goals for the New Year my main one is Continuing to remain trusting in God through all things.
I hope that you had a wonderful Christmas and New Years. :)

Pushing through the Ice

The last couple weeks have been intense with Physical Therapy but I am close to being done.  I have come A LONG ways in the last six weeks.  Today I was joking with my therapist and said "when I came in these doors I could not do that."  She replied "I know and we are having you get ready for the circus."  I said "yup."  The different amount of activities for therapy, yes I feel like I will be in the circus or a tap dancer :).  After therapy I will transition to a gym and they are setting me up with a program for me on my own. I never thought of myself joining a gym, but determined to keep going.  I have started to take short periods of running and it feels so good to do. I am more eager to get back to my bike.
This has been a long journey and yet one to be continued as I continue to work with relearning to hear and regaining myself back up with balance and my life.  I will continue to learn what works for me in communication but I know I made the best decision in helping myself and achieve my goals.  No it has not been easy and know that there will be more challenges, but like my title Pushing through the Ice. 
As Christmas is approaching I am joyful for the gift of hearing and my CI's. Thanks to my doctors, therapists and audiologist, along with the support from family and friends and strength from God, making a difference in my life in keeping me positive and determined to push through the ice.  One thing that I have learned through this and will continue to strengthen, is no matter what you may face in life, believing in yourself through all thing and being able to reach your goals.
To me I am able to once again enjoy Christmas music and many sounds that I have been missing for the last several years. 
Merry Christmas Everyone and thank-you for your ongoing support and prayers. 
The song "Breathe of Heaven" inspires me right now as Mary questioned why she was chosen to carry Jesus.  As we all question things in life like myself right now I am reminded that he has a purpose and plan greater than we see.

Hearing from both ears

This past weekend I spent with my sister and finally came home monday after meeting with my surgeon/doctor.  On Saturday morning I spent with my niece and nephew playing with them.  My niece discovered my processor and enjoyed pulling it off my ear, Austin watched what was going on and gave a curious look to me.  I asked him if he wanted to know what was on my ear and he said "yes."  I gave him a simple answer "it helps me to hear you."  He smiled back and than went on playing and we had a great time throwing balls as we were having a snowball fight.
My doctor was greatly pleased with my progress and glad to see me doing so well.  He wants me to continue what I am currently doing and is confident that things will continue this way.   I am to continue to follow up with Hopkins, he gave me another doctor to see as he is leaving JH at the end of the year.  We ended our meeting with getting a picture and a big hug.  He has made a huge impact in helping me so much.  As I am sad that he is leaving, I am grateful for the care and the difference he made in my life in regaining my ability to hear again.  I know that I will be in good hands with the doctor he recommended.  I know that God provided what I needed at the right time and the doctor I needed.
This week has been busy and trying to work with the left ear in hearing speech.  It has been more a challenge hearing speech in the left ear verses when I was activated on the right.  I was able to make out things sooner.  I know it will come.  I am enjoying having the two ears working and being able to tell direction.  I do notice when I remove one processor something is missing.  I love having both ears working and it is a miracle and gift to be regaining my hearing. Yes it is back working to train the hear to hear again and the crazy sounds continue, but I continue to praise the Lord that I can hear. I just keep on swimming forward.
I will leave you with a song that I sang in my care group last night "Never Once."

Day Two Activation:Brain Wired for sound

Today I went back for the second activation session. It has been an adventurous retraining this ear.  Still reading lips to communicate and not hearing speech yet, but it will come.  I am taking parts of the day with interacting with my sister and her family with the new CI only and other parts with both. Talk about Brain Confusion.  Together I understand speech.  But now when one is off it does not sound complete.  No mo single sided Deafness. Basically my audiologist upped the volume and made adjustments. They always start out slow and build up with volume, the reason for many appointments. We continue watching for twitching and so far going well.  The second CI seems to solve that issue. 
Today one of the goals was to figure and get working the one processor.  so far so good in working.  But if it starts doing it again it will be sent back for a replacement.
As I was waiting to go back, I ran into someone who I met at a HLAA group and it was so good to reconnect.  Now we have emails.  I told her I recently went bilateral and on day 2 activation.
One thing I have already started noting is I am able to recognize direction and location of sound easier.  :)   I have already picked up with left CI only my niece crying, roll cart on the floor, I think an airplane, dishes and many other sounds.  It is some hard to figure out what it is but this is a start.  I just keep swimming along.  Yes exhausting but all worth it. 
I did also make a phone call today to my Dad, yes mainly using the right ear but using my cell phone once again, loving it.  He asked about the grandkids too.  We had a great conversation.  
I am continue to feel over-joyed with the progress I am making and regaining my hearing, balance, and being with kids more and more.  When one loses your hearing it is shocking and devasting in adjusting to what works for you.  As I am still adjusting and figuring it out I am finding a lot of hope through the CI and other ways of communication.  I am finding my confidence growing back up and soaking in all what I am hearing.  It is truelly a priceless and precious gift. 
I just thank you for continued prayers on this journey.
"Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice"

Welcoming myself to the Bilateral Hearing World

I am offically bilaterally hearing. 
Back to the crazy sounds of underwater hearing on the left side, while the right continues to do well.  A little lopsided, but this will normalize and improve.  When they activated the right side, I did hear speech right away, the left side not the same, hearing sounds but speech is still to come.  With both on I can hear speech.  But I know it will improve and my brain will adjust to it like the other one did.  I went in with low expectations which helps not feeling disappointed.  I am not feeling discouraged but encouraged to be able to hear, and bilaterally.  I just think "Just keep swimming."
My audiologist also worked with my right processor making some adjustments and giving me t-coil on a setting to try with the phone.  She wants me to try and see if I like it. People either love it or hate it, so we will see. 
My appointment went long and they had some issues with the internet connection and software there so it made things more adventureous.  The one thing that my audiologist was wondering and hoping for is to get my twitching settled.  With having both sides activated it may help that and so far so good. 
As I was waiting, I talked with another patience (child) mom with an implant and she was so encouraging and grateful for the gift of a cochlear implant for a person to hear.  I also found out that her son was also blind.  I also talked with another couple who's wife was considering and being evaluated for the CI.  She was and her husband were encouraged seeing the progress of my implant and the little boy with it.  It is neat how God places you at the right times. Losing your hearing is very upsetting and just seeing others with CI and how they make a difference in their lives is always encouraging in the journey.
It was a joy listenign to Christmas music on the way in and back again :)  Something I am enjoying a lot more these days.
I am just grateful for my team at JH and PT for making a difference in my life. 
Two quotes God brings to mind "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain."
"God did not promise days without pain, laughter without tears, nor the sun without rain. But he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way."
Thanks for all your prayers and support. Praying for continued progress.

Soon to be Bilaterally activated.

I have to say, there is some connection with dates of appointments at John Hopkins and storms.  First my second cochlear implant surgery was right around Hurricane Sandy and now right before activation a snow comes through our way.  Great way to bring in the bilateral hearing.
I am contining to do well with recovery and my energy level is getting stronger each day.  I continue therapy 2x week and doing home exercises in regaining my balance back.  As some exercises are frustrating, my therapist loves my positive attitude and motivation through therapy.  We also like to joke together.  In some ways I want to do more challenging things but it is a gradual process so I don't have set backs. 
On wednesday I am traveling down to Maryland for my activation on Thursday on my left side.  Let see what I will hear first this time?  I am excited and so ready for this.  It is hard to believe that it is here already.  My hearing is all computerized now, but it is that or nothing.  I continue to be amazed how I am doing with one and just wondering how great hearing from two ears. No more single-sided deafness.  It has been exciting seeing God at work in all this and answering many prayers.  He continues to remind me to trust in him and seek his provision.  :)

Times to Be Thankful

This time last year, it was hard for my family and I to think things to be thankful for and mostly we were thankful for each other.
This year while holidays continue to be hard with not having my Mom, I am grateful for so much this year. Aside from my family and friends and their tremdenous support, I am overjoyed with thankfulness for the precious gift of hearing and some many other answers prayers.  As I continue to recover and regain my balance from surgery, the improvements that I am seeing is amazing.  I just continue to rejoice in the Lord for his faithfulness.
Have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving.  :)

Two week Post Op

It is hard to believe that 2 weeks ago I had my Bilateral cochlear implant.  I just want to say thank-you to all your prayers through this time and journey with me.  I am doing very well with recovery and regaining strength more and more each day.  Yes the first 10-12 days were the most challenging, but that is behind me.  I just ask that you continue to keep praying that thing continue in this direction.  I still have days of dizziness but much better and improving. (THis is a much answer to prayer).
Yesterday I started therapy for my balance.  Some people are affected with balance problems with this surgery.  Yes I am one of those lucky person :) Since I was exercising a lot and right up until my surgery my body strength has been much stronger this time around.  And my doctors decided to begin therapy 2 weeks after surgery.  While I stronger, therapy is still going to be intense.  But I am so motivated and determined and know the end results and I will be back to running and biking soon.  I am so LONGING for a bike ride and more road biking, but for now I am content with being allow to do much more things.  While there are some things that are not easy in therapy and yes it will be intense I am all for it.  I don't find exercising a chore but enjoy it.  I keep reminding myself of the Little Engine that Could (can).  THrough many challenges I have faced I always feel that God brings that character to me.  So chugging along.
I have spent time reading, writing and listening to a lot of music that is filling my spirit as I recover. One thing I have enjoyed is getting up each morning and having an email from my roomie in college await and writing back and forth each day.  The last week I have been enjoying going out to the park and walking with different friends.  Just being outside in nature is so healing to me, God just brings different things about life to me.
There as some days that I question things and my girlfriend told me about a song by Natalie Grant called "Held"  It reminds us that no matter what we may face in life, big or small that God is with me each step of the way.  I also found and explore other very touching songs by her as well.  God continues to remind me to be patient and showing me contentment through each moment.
As I know that this journey is not over and in someways just beginning, I am reminded in staying positive and perserving through each step of the way and God is helping to grow more and more with trusting in him.
 Praying for everyone that God may bless you in a special way today.

Bilateral Halloween surgery and Sandy

Last week was crazy with the events of last week.  Sandy and surgery was enough of the exciting adventures but many more came with it.  The best thing is that I remained at peace with the situation.
Sandy came and we lost power, many things were shut down around us and I was concerned that my surgery was going to be cancelled.  Being hearing impaired and trying to use a cell phone when there is static can be quite intesting making a call to the hospital, but made out and left things in Gods hands.
I went down to my sisters the night before with my Dad and my friend staying with my sister.  I was nice to have a warm house and power there.  We arrive at the surgery center the next morning around 7:45 (my surgery was set for 9:45) and they quickly prepped me for surgery. The start rough with the start of the IV line.  I did not get back to surgery until close to 11 due to the delay of the person before me.  This time they would not let me walk in as I was unsteady on my feet.  Despite the challenges we talked about the storm and it was nice communicating with the staff as last time had to have everything written out for me.  I was kept overnight again with getting the pain managed and letting my stomach settle.  The nursing staff was great with handling my deafness this time around.  I did not eat anything until about 12 the next day.
No the doctors were not dressed in orange or black scrubs and the nurses I think they have to wear blue scrubs.  There was a family though having surgery and that they dressed up.  My surgeron was no vampire, but very gentle and kind with surgery.
I am doing well and in good spirits.  I spent several nights with my Dad b/c I did not have power and glad to spend some time with him.  the recovery has been the same but the difference is I knew what to expect and prepared for it, so things have been more at ease.Still unsteady but better than last. starting therapy next week. anxious to get back to running. It was nice having the company of Simba too, he never left my side.  Simba is such a healing dog.
With all the adjustments and changes, I been having a sense of peace.  God is surrounding me and providing for me in many ways.  And giving me the strength I need each day.
One thing that through Sandy, you really don't realize having electricity for granted when you lose it for several days. 
Surgery done and moving forward to activation and soon back to work :)

Surgery and Sandy OH MINE!!!

Well it is about 2 1/2 days from my surgery and we have a nasty hurricane Sandy plowing through Monday and Tuesday, right before my bilateral surgery.  This should be one adventureous surgery and sure I will have many stories to share.  I am feeling less anxious and getting very excited to finally be getting the other ear done and even more looking forward to working once again.
I am just asking you to join in prayer with me for safe travels to Baltimore and home as we travel down on Tuesday night or early Wednesday morning. Also that the surgery not be cancelled.
We are expecting very heavy rains and power outages and very strong winds.  Question Is my recovery going to be like a hurricane or not?
I am praying that the surgery remains on as I have been waiting for this day.  But trusting in God through all things.  :)
Stay safe those who live on the East Coast :)

Bilateral coming soon

Alright down to the last week before surgery. I lot of mixed emotions, but very ready and excited for the surgery and things are coming together.
I am just finishing up some last minute things and enjoying this beautiful weather in getting outside. One thing that I recently did, soon after finding out that I was going bilateral, I thought "I don't need my hearing aids any longer why let a great pair lie around."  I have heard of many people donating hearing aids and decided to give them to a really good friend that would benefit from them.  I am glad to know that she is finding them very helpful and even more so looking forward to having her help me out with the surgery.  It was not hard letting go of them and feel even better giving them to someone who really could use them.
One prayer is for relief of the vertigo and for it to settle down.  I know it will get worse before better and will not see if it really helped for several weeks.  But this is one of the goals of my surgeon as to help me to regain my hearing back in the left ear. I am eager to get back to work and working with children again.
As some of the days I am anxious but more over ready, I am trusting in God through this journey and know that he is with me all the way and I have my angel with me too (my mom).  In the last week the verse Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."
As I went to running with a friend we spotted deer on the path, I was amazed that the deer just stood and watched us pass.  They gave me a sense of peace as they were relaxed right there and a reminder of not to worry.

Alright 13 days til being Bilateral Bionic Women (wired for sound)

The last several weeks sped by fast and now only 13 days left until I go Bilateral with the cochlear implant.  I often think back to when I was getting evaluated for the first one and did not think that I would have both ears done in the same year, but it is really happening.
All pre-op stuff is completed and now just waiting for the day to come. Between resting and getting ready, I have been helping a family out with two children who they also lost their mom suddenly the same year I did and helping my dad with yard work and cleaning the house for him when I am feeling good. 
At this point people are asking questions "Are you nervous?"  "Are you sure this is the right direction to go?"  As I look at these questions, I reflect back on the way people doubted when Jesus rose from the grave.  In response to these questions, No I am not nervous or anxious, I am excited more over and ready.  Ready to being hearing on both sides (come end of November) and ready for some relief from the menieres attacks. I know that my hearing will never be perfect but this is the best thing that I can do for myself to help me to be able to return to work and feel better.  So yes this is the right direction to go.  I spent a lot of time praying for this and direction of where God is leading me.  One thing I look forward to is not having to worry about which side someone is on to be able to hear.  I know my right ear my be dominant now and that there will still be obstacles.  I will always be deaf yet hearing too.
My family and I joke about putting all the annoying sleeping habits that people pose when we go away with me, b/c it does not bother me and I sleep right through it.  So bring on the coughers, baby crying and snorers. :) 
God is continuing to teach me contentment through this time and really learning to trust in him through all things. Just continuing to pray for continued guidance and wisdom with working with the doctors.
No I am not looking forward to recovery but know that there is light at the end and God will give me the strength that I need every step of the way and the courage to embrace through the challenges.
Thank-you for your continued support and prayers through this long journey :)

Looking Beyond

In the last several weeks I have been reflecting many things that God has been working on in my life and excited with many things that he is at work with.  I am completely amazed through different things that happen through the week, I look back and know that it was meant to be and that he is teaching though many experiences I encounter as he turns everything for the good.
As some of you may know that I was re-evaluated for the second CI  in August.  Yes I am going through with that and surgery is October 31.  As I knew and had an idea of where my hearing was in my left ear, I have to admit hearing the news as it was confirmed was a little shocking.  It revealed that I have no understanding of speech in that ear with my hearing aids and I been fully communicating with the CI in my right ear. 
Many people ask me "Do you ever question why?" or "Am I angry at God?" with everything going on.  I have to say yes there are days I question but more rather turn it to "What God is teaching me through this time."  No I am not angry at God.  He is teaching me to trust him through all things and really in my heart being content and being at peace with my deafness.  Yes I am hearing through my CI soon to be bilateral, but I still I am deaf and always will be. And it is okay.  He is teaching me to look beyond my hearing and more my abilities in life.  I am still Amber, just part of me I am deaf.
He is also teaching me the positives of being deaf and believe me there are more than you can think of. 
As I look back prior to having my implant these are some things that I am able to do that I was not able to before and each thing is a true blessing from God:
-beginning to use my cell phone in quiet situations
-less relying on the caption phone and challenging myself not to read captions
-hearing things behind me
-hearing the lyrics to music
-detecting the wonderful natural and some annoying enviromental sounds
-hearing people knocking on the door
-beginning to hear the message in church
-hearing crying and voices of children (this bring tears of joy to me) and what they are saying
-being able to follow some/most of my small group at church
-ability to communicate and less have to rely on lip reading
-hearing thunder and storm (gotta love this one)
-simply things like the microwave, phone ring, water boiling, water running, footsteps
and the list can go on
There are times I do forget and people don't know that I have a hearing issue.  I know I will run into barriers but I can function in the hearing world better and learning to work around my deafness.  the most precious gift is hearing my nephew talk and other children and the ability to communicate with others.  As my Dad stated to the doctors "I am hearing almost like normal" and that is true in certain environments.  But good to hear that.
As I have been away from church and with family more the last couple weeks our connection is growing in a lot of ways being there for one another.
My kayak experience really was a turning point for me with my deafness as I forgot my waterproof processor and was deaf the whole way tipping over and almost drowning. I felt God with me all the way.  My family knew and worked with me in joining me in conversation despite it with reading lips and hand signals.  It was a fun yet adventurous experience, but God helped me look at it for the good and not my hearing or the meniere in the way of doing things.  Looking beyond it
He is reminding me to trust in him through all things
The song that comes to mind is "The Word of God Speaks"

Rejoicing through the Obstacles

As I have been going through many mixed feelings these last several weeks, God is teaching me to really trust in him through the obstacles that I am facing and also seeing the light through it all.  Also just as I continue working in my garden, it a great therapy for me.  Bring on the digging in the dirt.  Totally love it.  Yes it may sound crazy but so true.
I often get a sense of what my mom would say through this time and just her spirit is in my heart even though she is not here presently with me.

"Even through the difficult days as things may look gloomy and bleak, there is a light shining ahead. As things may feel discouraging and scary at times, there is hope in the end and a positive outcome. No matter how gloomy things look, looking up on the positive side, I see hope and encouragement through it all.  And God is with me all the way.  Every step I take."

This is one thing that I took away from meeting with my doctors and audiologist this week. As I received results of my hearing.
After that appointment, as I was trying to sleep and take all of it in several songs came to mind and I sang myself to sleep.  "I need Jesus,"  "Give me Jesus,"  "Amazing Grace," Never Once," " My Life Flows On," and "Oh no you Never let Go."

Graditude and Wow moments

As many of you know that I have been doing a lot of gardening.  This has been extremely helpful for me and God has been teaching me through it.  It is my second year and this year much more successful.  The animals stayed away let's just say. As my garden is producing summer squash, red beets, cucumbers, green bean, peppers and tomatoes, each vegetable is giving me a reminder in life right now.  He is reminding me mainly that he loves me for who I am and that he created me special and unique as each of my vegetables have taken some unique shape or form. And his love for each of us.

                                              My TWO UNIQUELY YOU cucumbers
A wow Moment:
Several weeks ago I went for a walk with a friend at the park.  There was a biker behind us, I looked back and my friend pulled me aside for my safety.  She asked if I hear them because I looked back.  I did not hear them, but I have learned to look back making sure.  We went for a walk again on Tuesday and this time a biker called from behind "on your left"  I heard them and the exact words.  I looked at my friend and gave a smile and said "I heard that."  I am beginning to hear more thing behind me.  

Another Wow moments

What a warm week that it has been here in PA, with all the hot and humid weather.  Ahh you got love living in PA.  A great way to start off the beginning of summer. 
The last two weeks I have been spending time in my garden and my Dad's flower beds weeding.  I think I have become a weeding excerpt.  As I was weeding my Dad's flower beds, not aware that he had come home to get something for his work, he saw that I was there and came to find where I was at.  As my back was turned away from him he called out and asked "How is it going?"  I immediately turned around finding him standing about 10 feet from me and responds "It is going well, but you have endless amount of weeds."  Not only I heard him say something but every word.  As I responded I smiled at my Dad's smiling face both realizing what had just happened.  A priceless moment.
The other wow moment and someone just pointed it out to me.  As I was walking with a friend today, someone from my church honked and I turned around and waved.  She text me later as she was excited that I turned around and waved and heard the sound.
The one thing that I did not expect to happen this week was one of my processors going on me.  After playing around with it trying several things, the very helpful AB support determined that something with the processor was wrong and replacing it.  Still under warranty.  During this time as the processor fading in and out on me each time it did I longed for the sound to return.  Continuing to rejoice in the Lord with the on going progress I am making.
God is reminding me really to trust in him through all things, as the last couple weeks have been more on the stressful side.  I am also reminding myself of the little things in life, rather than looking at the over all big picture.  God is showing me gratitude for each small things and rejoicing in him for each of those things.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Philippians 4:4-9

Rediscovering Sounds

The last couple weeks I have been spending a lot of time in prayer in where God is leading and directing me right now. I have to say this right now is a difficult time as I am processing many things, feeling like I am on a seesaw.  But God is teaching me to be patient and trusting in him through this time.  I know he is going to open doors and close some.
As I sit back I am also sinking in many things that I am hearing.  Some days seem like I am having incredible moments and other day feel like I am not moving at all.  But I remind myself to be patient. As I lost my hearing fairly quickly and was not born deaf, I know what things sound like before hand and remember there were moments that I complained that some things were annoying (like a bird outside my window waking me up at 4 am every morning)--yes I am a morning person but not that early.  Now as I sink in the birds singing, frogs croaking, the water flowing in the stream, thunder roaring, the splash and pop of my nephew throwing a stone in the creek or pond, etc, I have 1.) grown a more appreciation of sounds that God created and 2.) rediscovering sounds again that I have missed for a long time.  I now also know why my Dad and my mom get annoyed with Simba barking all the time.  I just sit back and yes he can carry on, but hearing it is a gift.  I have to say I am loving all the sounds even the annoying ones.
The last couple weeks I have been to weddings and graduation parties with my family.  The joy of coming from a large family.  You may ask me how many first cousins I have, which is close to 40.  Many sounds I was able to pick up and total wow moments.  Someone honked a party horn and I have to say I jumped when it went off.  I was able to make out some of the wedding vows and hold some conversations.  Many of my family came up and ask "Is it too loud or it is loud what do you think?" and "Is it working."  
Today as I was at a graduation party, I was talking with my aunt and I heard a snap followed by a big thud.  I picked the direction happening right ahead of me as I watched a tree limb come down off the tree. 
People's voices are sounded more like I remember now.  People that are softer tone still scratchy and same with children. I am being able to understand some of my nephew Austin even in his toddler world language.  I think being around kids has helped.  It is coming.  I am starting to test myself on the phone, still using the caption call but with the CI.  It sound a little creepy and cartoonish.  So I guess I can still joke with others sounding like cartoon characters.
As I continue to reflect and really spend time in prayer discerning where God is leading me.  Psalms 40: 1-3 and Psalm 63 has been on my heart as the first part of the passage "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water."
As my Dad was up in the mountains he discovered a water lily in our pond and called all of us girls.  The eagerness and excitement he had and myself reflecting on how it closes each night and reopens in the day and relating that to my life.  Each day is a new beginning and taking each day as it comes not worrying about tomorrow.  This was a much needed reminder for me.  I sit back and watching my garden and flowers grow and reflect in growing with my trust and patience in God. 
The song 10,000 Reasons gripped my heart this morning in reminding me fully putting my trust in him and leading me through.
Thank you for all your prayers through this time as I am taking time in seeking God where he is leading me.